"NO, YOU'RE WRONG!"

There's a kind of pepper called "chipotle." It's also known as the "smoked jalapeño" because of its...well, its smokiness. It's pronounced: "Ch'POTElay" Subway restaurants offer a chipotle sauce, which is really nice. I went there the other day to get my 6" Turkey, Ham and Roast Beef sandwich. I usually get it with honey mustard, because that's fat free, but I decided to go crazy and get it with...you got it...CHIPOTLE sauce!

Let me backtrack for a second. Subway used to offer a sandwich called a Club. It was made of ham, turkey and roast beef. Sometime in the last year or so, they changed the name to "Turkey, Ham and Roast Beef." It's kind of like calling a Big Mac a "two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun" in my opinion.

Back to now...

I ordered my stupidly renamed sandwich and slide down to the register. As I'm getting my money out, the girl asks if I want any dressing. I say "yeah, the chipotle sauce, please." The manager, who's standing right there, asks, "You want the CHIPOLTE sauce?" She rhymed the name of the pepper with "Nick Nolte." I fumfer for a second as I try to process this. Is she correcting me, or is she simply dumb and merely asking for clarification? I decide on the latter and say, "yeah, that." The girl rings it up and stops. "What was this, again?" she asks. The manager answers, "It's a Club."

So these two nitwits think I'm a loser because I can't say "CHIPOLTE" and because I fell for their trap of calling the four-lettered-CLUB a twenty-one-letter TURKEY HAM AND ROAST BEEF. Inside, I'm screaming, "I KNOW IT'S A CLUB! I LIKE IT BETTER AS A CLUB, BUT YOU SAID IT WASN'T CALLED A CLUB ANYMORE!!!!!"

As I sat there, eating my rhymes-with-remotely sandwich, I got madder and madder at the manager. I was SURE she was correcting me earlier. I should've responded to her by saying, "Yes, the CHIPOTLE." And really call her out. Next time...

As I walked out, I had a nagging feeling that I was wrong. Maybe it WAS called "chipolte", rhyming with "molty." I glanced at their sign of available sauces, which included: CHIPOLTE. Well, it was hand-written, so I didn't feel a sense of closure yet. Behind the counter, however, are the actual replicas of bottles used for the sauces. I searched for mine. I found it. It read: C-H-I-P-O-T-L-E. I smugly left, knowing that another battle was yet to come.

A few days later, I went back to Subway for my lunch. I got the Club again, but this time I simply ordered a #6. This eliminated all confusion and no feathers were ruffled. I'd have to fight that battle another day. Today, it was all about the chipotle. Understand that I had the chipotle not a week earlier. Normally I would go for the honey mustard sauce or the sweet onion sauce now. I space out the fatty sauces. Not today, though. I ordered my sandwich (no cheese) and waited. "Any dressing?" she asked. I mustered up all my casualness and tossed out, "Yeah, the chipotle, please." SHE DIDN'T SAY A GODDAMN WORD! I wanted to ask her, "So, what's in the CHIPOTLE sauce, anyway?" or SOMETHING to get her to bite! No, I was beaten. She thinks I'm dumb and I spent several days building up a fight which never hapopened. Dammit. It's Quizno's all next week.