2006 YEAR IN REVIEW
On a personal level, this year was a busy one. At the end of January, we took the kids on their first ever plane ride to visit my baby brother in california, with Grandma and Poppa. We took in Disneyland and stayed a few days.
In April, Sam began soccer classes.
In May, Kat and I went to the Bahamas for 5 days to celebrate our 10 year anniversary. We had a fantastic time. Our first night there, we slept 12 glorious hours! Later in the month, we went to Hershey, Pennsylvania for a couple days and took in Hersheypark.
In June, Sam graduated preschool.
In August, Allie turned 2 and we all went to Silver Bay at Lake George for a few days to stay with the California Whytes as well as the NY Whytes. Sam and Allie got to spend some good quality time with their California Cousins.
In September, Sam began Kindergarten and I released the CD I'd been working on for 8 years, ODYSSEY!. In November, Sam turned 5. We also had Thanksgiving at our house.
Then started the chaos of December: Channukah, Christmas, my father's birthday, Kat's birthday and the upcoming New Year's. Though, this year, we're opting for a very mild, stay-at-home New Year's un-bash.
But the biggest development of December, and indeed, the year, was that soon after launching the ODYSSEY! website, The Brooklyn Academy of Music noticed it and emailed me with a request to perform it live on December 21st! I was shocked! I had never performed ANYTHING live and this album has certainly never been performed anything CLOSE to live before. I said yes, of course, and quickly formed a band made of friends, aquaintances, and a couple of seniors from the high school where I work. We rehearsed when we could and it was scary as hell. As the date approached, I began to lose my fear. It was so liberating. At rehearsals, I sang with gusto and played with confidence. Occasionally, people would wander in to hear us rehearse and I didn't even flinch. A week before the 21st, my good buddy George announced to me that he had a 1967 Bernie Kessel custom Gibson guitar I could use if I wanted. IF I WANTED! When the date arrived, I came into BAM, rarin' to go. Everyone was so excited and the sound check went amazingly. People began to file in and I was still not nervous. We began the show and I wasn't nervous at all. I was thrilled and excited. Unfortunately, my guitar was ever so slightly out of tune, but I didn't want to ruin the flow of the show, so I tried to ignore it. Halfway through, I did tune it, but the audience didn't seem to mind. We finished the show to a standing ovation which my low self-esteem attributes to generous friends and kvelling family in the audience. It was still nice, though. I signed a couple autographs, sold a handful of CDs and went home thinking..."So...that's it?" It was so anti-climactic. I mean, I had a blast doing it, but I don't want it to end! I intend to try to perform it several more times in 2007. We'll see.
OK , let's talk 2006 movies:
SNAKES ON A PLANE
We all know the hoopla around this film, so I won't go into that at all. My brother edited the music video that accompanies the end credits. He and I saw the film together with an empty theater. We agreed that the movie was stupid and kind of fun, but would have benefitted from a big, rowdy audience. The video at the end was kinda thrilling, though. I really wanted to jump up and point to Russ, yelling, "HE EDITED THIS!" But I didn't. Sorry, Russ.
BORAT
This was the funniest movie I've seen all year. It was not nearly as clever as some people make it out to be, and I'm not a huge fan of "cringe comedy," but this was one sick, funny movie with one or two small missteps.
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Ever so slightly pretentious, but emotional and very funny. The girl was phenomenal.
ERAGON
I didn't actually see this, but I read the book last year and loathed it. It was written by a 15 year old boy, which is impressive...until you read it. It reads like a 15-year-old boy wrote it. Flat, cliché-ridden, and extremely derivitive, this book was very badly written.
DA VINCI CODE
Conversely, I LOVED this book. Then the movie came out and it looked so lame that I couldn't bear to see it. It was so universally panned, and derided by zealots for being not realistic (imagine a fictional novel!) that I began to absorb some of the hate. I found myself disgusted that I owned the book! Then I came to my senses and told myself that I really enjoyed the book, however fictional it might be. So, there, I like Dan Brown's books. Nyeah!
PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN 2
I was disappointed by the first one, but my wife loved it, so we went to see the second. Neither of us remember the first at all, which made for a healthy amount of confusion for us, especially the end, but we enjoyed it nevertheless and rented the original one the next day. We went, "Oohh!! Now I get it!" several times.
DEPARTED
Excellent rip-roaring thriller from Martin Scorcese. His best since Goodfellas.
CARS
Not Pixar's best, but better than everything else out there for kids.
THANK YOU FOR SMOKING
Small movie, very well done. Funny and thought-provoking.
V FOR VENDETTA
Big movie, mostly well done. Thought-provoking, in a not-at-all subtle way. It was a very ham-handed story and the analogies were as transparent as light fog. Yet I appreciated the message and thrilled to the action.
X-MEN : THE LAST STAND
Another big-budget action-fest. But as with all the X-Men films, this one kicked ass.
BUBBLE
This was an incredibly small movie that nobody saw. It was made by Steven Soderbergh, who did Solaris, Ocean's 11 and Ocean's 12. All of the actors were first-time actors and it looked like a student film, with no artificial lighting or special effects or makeup effects or anything. I found it dreary and unpleasant, but an interesting experiment.
THE LAKE HOUSE
This came out in 2006, but we didn't see it until we rented it. It was a passable romance story with some time travel thrown in for the fellas. Not bad, but not great, either. The time travel science was not even CLOSE to anything resembling plausable.
THE BREAK UP
Not terrible, but not godawful, either. This was another one we rented in 2006.
FRIENDS WITH MONEY
The last movie from 2006 that we rented in 2006. I liked it, Kat didn't. There's no real story to speak of. It's just one of those "slice-of-life of a group of couples" kinda movies. But I found it intelligent and poignant.
To recap the TV I watched this year:
The Simpsons is running on fumes at this point. It's a sad decline.
Heroes started strong, but is degenerating into a B-movie.
Deal or No Deal is dumb but a lot of fun.
Studio 60 is the best show I currently watch on TV. After most episodes I just sit and marvel at how well-done it is.
Survivor is also running on fumes. No matter how many twists they add, the show is just unengaging for me.
Lost is likewise slipping, as they refocus the story away from what made it great.
E.R. is one of those shows that I watch out of habit at this point. I hope skip ER and Survivor next season completely. It would certainly free up my Thursdays.
Most music was either terrible or forgettable in 2006, with the following excepetions:
The Beatles' LOVE. This mash-up of Beatles songs is a fresh take on classic tracks and a lot of fun to identify all the segments that were layered and altered to make this album.
Meat Loaf's BAT OUT OF HELL 3. This isn't a great album by any means. But it's the most frustrating album of the year for me. Out of the 14 song, 7 are Jim Steinman songs, 4 of which are old ones, previously done by other artists. Each of these old songs are worse for the wear on this album. Two of the new songs are good and the third is great, but Meat gives the chorus the "wrong" delivery and it irritates me. The other songs are not by Jim Steinman and do not belong on a so-called "Bat Out Of Hell" album.
Bob Seger's FACE THE PROMISE, David Gilmour's ON AN ISLAND and Tom Petty's HIGHWAY COMPANION are both unexceptional, except for the fact that Tom Petty and Bob Seger are still putting out music. I like Bob Seger a lot. This album is not bad at all, but it's no Night Moves or Stranger in Town or Live Bullet. Likewise, HIGHWAY COMPANION is a warm, cozy, heartfelt album, but it just doesn't jump at me like Wildflowers did. Gilmour's new effort is a clear departure from Pink Floyd. It's great doctor's room music. It's very mellow and well done, but it's so lazy and languid that it's impossible to care.
So, in the real world:
Democrats took half of the government. Let's just hope they take advantage of it.
Saddam was killed. I don't really care. It won't change anything.
Steve Irwin was killed. He was a great guy who loved animals and never EVER blamed anyone but himself when he got hurt. I'm sure his reaction to his stinging would be "My bad!"
Britney Spears. Now, I'm no fan, but jeez, when did the world turn on this poor crazy broad? She's just a dumb blonde from the South who made a mistake in finding a husband. The only difference from the 125,000 others just like her is that she has cameras on her EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY! She was carrying her baby in one arm while trying to get in her car while being chased by paparazzi. She slipped a little and the baby slid down her waist a bit before she regained her balance. The media went wild about what a bad parent she is. She drove with the baby in the front seat. True, a bad move, but I would bet you thousands of other mothers do the same thing. It just seems that every single move she made in 2006 was reciprocated with an admonishment. Again, I'm no fan of hers, but leave her alone already!
Well that's all I can come up with right now. "Happy New Year. May she be a damn sight better than the last one."
Have a fantastic 2007.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
CARTOONS
When I was a kid, I loved cartoons. I guess all kids did. Then I grew up and I still loved cartoons. Only, I called it "animation." I went to animation festivals and got really excited whenever I could see computer animation. When Pixar emerged, I instantly became a fan. When Pixar put out the first ever all-CG film, Toy Story, I went opening night. I collect Pixar's films and love each one. I also went to all the other CG films that were coming out...like ANTZ. Antz sucked. I can't even remember what else came out in the first bunch of years after Toy Story because it all sucked. Then I had kids and got to watch Saturday Morning cartoons again. With VERY few exceptions, they all suck. Most current animation is terrible. Pixar still loves animation enough to put their hearts and souls into each film, like Disney used to, but no longer does. It's too easy for animation to be done nowadays, so anybody with a Mac and $200 can make a TV show. $1000 can get you a feature film. It's too cheap and easy to do, so no care or love or craftsmanship goes into it. Looney Tunes cartoons were art. They were funny and sophisticated and hold up to this day, 60 years later. Tom and Jerry as well. These days it's all fart jokes and merchandising. I've felt this sadness for a long time, but this week I heard an NPR reporter put my thoughts into the most articulate and heartfelt 5 minutes I've ever heard spoken on NPR. I share it with you now. Click the NPR logo below:
When I was a kid, I loved cartoons. I guess all kids did. Then I grew up and I still loved cartoons. Only, I called it "animation." I went to animation festivals and got really excited whenever I could see computer animation. When Pixar emerged, I instantly became a fan. When Pixar put out the first ever all-CG film, Toy Story, I went opening night. I collect Pixar's films and love each one. I also went to all the other CG films that were coming out...like ANTZ. Antz sucked. I can't even remember what else came out in the first bunch of years after Toy Story because it all sucked. Then I had kids and got to watch Saturday Morning cartoons again. With VERY few exceptions, they all suck. Most current animation is terrible. Pixar still loves animation enough to put their hearts and souls into each film, like Disney used to, but no longer does. It's too easy for animation to be done nowadays, so anybody with a Mac and $200 can make a TV show. $1000 can get you a feature film. It's too cheap and easy to do, so no care or love or craftsmanship goes into it. Looney Tunes cartoons were art. They were funny and sophisticated and hold up to this day, 60 years later. Tom and Jerry as well. These days it's all fart jokes and merchandising. I've felt this sadness for a long time, but this week I heard an NPR reporter put my thoughts into the most articulate and heartfelt 5 minutes I've ever heard spoken on NPR. I share it with you now. Click the NPR logo below:
Friday, December 08, 2006
Sunday, October 22, 2006
IMPOTENT POTABLES
My good buddy Steven bought me a bottle of Orbitz for my birthday. No, not the travel company, the discontinued Canadian soft drink. If you know me at all, you know that I like weird drinks. I made my own Cherry Vanilla Coke back when this blog was new, I try all the new Coke products that come out, I miss Hubba Bubba Soda, and most of oall I miss Orbitz. Back in the 90s, Orbitz was a great novelty drink. It was fruit-flavored liquid with complementary-flavored little balls that hovered inside. The genius was that the balls didn't just float to the top or sink to the bottom, they simply hovered in the middle, like the liquid was Jell-o and these balls were trapped inside. But when you shook the bottle, the balls floated around freely until the momentum was gone and they simply stopped where they were. My favorite flavor was orange drink with vanilla balls. Unfortunately, my bottle is 10 years old and the balls sink more than hover now.
I found out recently that in Asia, there are many drinks that feature tapioca balls in them, called Bubble Tea. Further delving into strange Asian drinks, I found "Kodomo Biru, " which translates as "Kids' Beer." It is an amber colored, carbonated beverage that comes in a brown bottle. Their tagline is "Even kids can join the toast!" The beverage tastes nothing like actual beer, but you get all the social benefits of beer in a kid-friendly package. One ad features a boy getting a zero on his test. He is crushed. Until KOMODO BEER appears. He weeps openly with joy! In another, a girl has a secret crush on a boy. When she finally gets the guts to talk to him, a bird poops on her head. She is crushed...until KOMODO BEER, blah blah blah. Their ad campaign claims that "Even children cannot make it through life without a drink." I kid you not. What, you need proof? Click HERE for their animated advertisements, and in equal parts, curse and thank God that you don't live in Japan!
Another drink market that has no grasp on me is the energy drink market. I tried Red Bull once, but I didn't like it and it was really expensive. I prefer simple coffee or the occasional Vitamin Water, though I'm skeptical as to the latter's actual powers. Every schmuck in the world seems to have their own energy drink now. The market is so glutted that they have taken to using bizarre names to stand out from the crowd. My problem with these names is that here is no truth in advertising. For example, there is a drink called COCAINE. There has been a great uproar over this, claiming that it glamorizes actual cocaine use. I think that's silly. My complaint is that cocaine, the drug, is a known substance. To call a drink Cocaine is blatantly lying. Coca Cola used to have cocaine in it, at least. Cocaine drink has none, and never did. It's obviously just a publicity stunt, but I would think there would be a law banning a product labelled as something it is not. What if there was a soda called MILK! Couldn't they make them call it something else, since the soda has no milk whatsoever? Similarly, there's Liquid Ice. Umm...liquid ice is water, dude. It would be a great name for a bottled water, but for an energy drink? I mean, I guess the drink has some water in it, so it's more accurate advertising than Cocaine, but still.
Also, did you notice all those upside-down 7UP bottles recently? The logo was upside down and the new line was "turn yur thirst upside down!" It seemed very silly and pointless, but I noticed it, so I guess it worked. Only now did I find out that the product was actually called "dnL" and it wasn't 7up, it was a 7up spinoff soda named what "7up" looks like upside down. Stoo. Pidd.
Anyway, here's a Wikipedia list of other soft drink flops. Enjoy!
My good buddy Steven bought me a bottle of Orbitz for my birthday. No, not the travel company, the discontinued Canadian soft drink. If you know me at all, you know that I like weird drinks. I made my own Cherry Vanilla Coke back when this blog was new, I try all the new Coke products that come out, I miss Hubba Bubba Soda, and most of oall I miss Orbitz. Back in the 90s, Orbitz was a great novelty drink. It was fruit-flavored liquid with complementary-flavored little balls that hovered inside. The genius was that the balls didn't just float to the top or sink to the bottom, they simply hovered in the middle, like the liquid was Jell-o and these balls were trapped inside. But when you shook the bottle, the balls floated around freely until the momentum was gone and they simply stopped where they were. My favorite flavor was orange drink with vanilla balls. Unfortunately, my bottle is 10 years old and the balls sink more than hover now.
I found out recently that in Asia, there are many drinks that feature tapioca balls in them, called Bubble Tea. Further delving into strange Asian drinks, I found "Kodomo Biru, " which translates as "Kids' Beer." It is an amber colored, carbonated beverage that comes in a brown bottle. Their tagline is "Even kids can join the toast!" The beverage tastes nothing like actual beer, but you get all the social benefits of beer in a kid-friendly package. One ad features a boy getting a zero on his test. He is crushed. Until KOMODO BEER appears. He weeps openly with joy! In another, a girl has a secret crush on a boy. When she finally gets the guts to talk to him, a bird poops on her head. She is crushed...until KOMODO BEER, blah blah blah. Their ad campaign claims that "Even children cannot make it through life without a drink." I kid you not. What, you need proof? Click HERE for their animated advertisements, and in equal parts, curse and thank God that you don't live in Japan!
Another drink market that has no grasp on me is the energy drink market. I tried Red Bull once, but I didn't like it and it was really expensive. I prefer simple coffee or the occasional Vitamin Water, though I'm skeptical as to the latter's actual powers. Every schmuck in the world seems to have their own energy drink now. The market is so glutted that they have taken to using bizarre names to stand out from the crowd. My problem with these names is that here is no truth in advertising. For example, there is a drink called COCAINE. There has been a great uproar over this, claiming that it glamorizes actual cocaine use. I think that's silly. My complaint is that cocaine, the drug, is a known substance. To call a drink Cocaine is blatantly lying. Coca Cola used to have cocaine in it, at least. Cocaine drink has none, and never did. It's obviously just a publicity stunt, but I would think there would be a law banning a product labelled as something it is not. What if there was a soda called MILK! Couldn't they make them call it something else, since the soda has no milk whatsoever? Similarly, there's Liquid Ice. Umm...liquid ice is water, dude. It would be a great name for a bottled water, but for an energy drink? I mean, I guess the drink has some water in it, so it's more accurate advertising than Cocaine, but still.
Also, did you notice all those upside-down 7UP bottles recently? The logo was upside down and the new line was "turn yur thirst upside down!" It seemed very silly and pointless, but I noticed it, so I guess it worked. Only now did I find out that the product was actually called "dnL" and it wasn't 7up, it was a 7up spinoff soda named what "7up" looks like upside down. Stoo. Pidd.
Anyway, here's a Wikipedia list of other soft drink flops. Enjoy!
Thursday, October 19, 2006
R.I.P. CHRISTOPHER GLENN
When I was little, before the days of cable TV and VCRs, kids were forced to watch cartoons every Saturday morning. It was the law, I believe. You had about 4 choices and that was it. Interspersed within these shows were things like Schoolhouse Rock, or those PSAs with the little potato guy who told you how to make ice-pops or eat a healthy snack or try new foods. The other thing I remember was CBS's "In The News." It was a two-minute news show made for kids, but about real world events. It was, in effect, a newsreel for kids. It was narrated by Christopher Glenn. I remember vividly the opening logo and music, along with Christopher Glenn's distinctive bass voice: "I'm Christopher Glenn."
Many years later, I began listening to news stations on the car radio. One day, CBS radio, 880 AM, went to a news story by Christopher Glenn. I was instantly transported back to 1978. His voice was exactly the way I remembered it. I couldn't tell you if Glenn's journalistic prowess was mediocre or fantastic. All I remember was that voice. That voice and that name are forever fused to a certain time in my life and it was very comforting to hear him occasionally on CBS News.
He died this week at age 68 from liver cancer. The picture above is from 1986. I never knew what he looked like until I wrote this blog and Googled a photo of him. I took a look at the image and after a few seconds, I thought, "Yeah, that's about right."
Here's a quick audio file of him, though he doesn't have his "announcer voice" on:
CLICK
EDIT: My brother, Russ, found the following In The News segments for me! Thanks, Russ!
Friday, October 13, 2006
Does this disgust anyone else but me? I mean, I get pissed every time I hear Westbury Music Fair announced as "North Fork at Westbury" or when I hear Jones Beach described as "Jones Beach Nikon Theater." Advertising has taken over. That's not new or profound. But when you watch broadcast TV, you understand that advertising is the only source of income for them. But now movies have slides of print ads as you sit down while you listen to commercials for pop songs. Then you get to watch commercials before the film in addition to product placement within the film itself. And I'm paying THEM?
The TV show SURVIVOR is maggoty with product placement. The entertainment/advertising ratio is slipping. The movie DEMOLITION MAN portrays the future with the top ten songs being advertising jingles. Can you name one current commercial's music that isn't a pop song? What percentage of Youtube clips are "funny commercials?"
Wow, my preface is longer than the actual story. OK, let me summarize: Too many commercials are bad. Thanks.
Advertiser Dictates Start of White Sox Games
Not content to rename their stadium for an advertiser (U.S. Cellular), the Chicago White Sox has agreed to start its weeknight home games at 7:11 p.m. as part of a deal with the 7-Eleven stores. (The team's cross-town rivals, the Cubs, may have started the stadium-naming trend when it called its stadium Wrigley Field, but the team and the stadium were then owned by chewing-gum magnate William Wrigley.) "Every time the media announces the game's start time it will be a gentle reminder of our sponsorship," 7-Eleven spokeswoman Margaret Chabris told the Associated Press
I am going to protest by not watching any White Sox games. I will not protest 7-11 beacuse I like their coffee and they're just so convenient!
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
TV
Usually the new season of TV leaves me cold. I usually give about 3 shows a test run. I watch the pilot and if it grabs me I'll stay with it. Otherwise, I just don't have the time to devote to another show in my schedule. Conversely, I am so done with "ER" but I've been watching it for so long now that I have no choice but to sit through it every Thursday. Occasionally I actually enjoy it and the guest spots are usually dazzling. But overall I'm ready to lose it.
This year, ABC got me but good Monday nights.
8:00 is DEAL OR NO DEAL. This is the dumbest, simplest game show ever and Howie Mandel has the easiest job on the planet. But it's gripping as hell and a lot of fun.
9:00 is HEROES. Put 4 parts X-Men movies into 1 part LOST and that's pretty much what you've got. It's basically a superhero story, but done relatively realistically. It DOES come with a fairly high geek factor, so be aware of that. If you can get past that, you'll really enjoy this one.
10:00 is STUDIO 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP. This is the first of two SNL-based series this season. It's written by the guy who did THE WEST WING, so it's got rapid-fire dialogue, high-pressure situations and intricate relationships. It's so well done I can't believe it. After the pilot, I was not only prepared to watch it again next week, I was excited to! Matthew Perry does a swell job of not being Chandler Bing and a very good job at the character he's playing (I'm terrible with character names).
The second SNL-based show is called 30 ROCK. It premieres tonight, and I'm taping it, so I'll watch it sometime this weekend, probably. It's funny. It's called 30 ROCK. A number of years ago there was an unrelated show called 3RD ROCK (FROM THE SUN) and now there's 30 ROCK.
Next, maybe there'll be a sitcom about these Middle Eastern astronauts who fly to Mercury, but get caught in the Sun's gravitational pull. They swing around and come back towards Earth. The first two astronauts die, but the survivor crashes back to Earth. The show could be all about his take on the Iraq war with the perspective of having seen the whole Earth as one entity from space. It could be called 3RD IRAQI FROM THE SUN.
Or maybe that will never happen.
Usually the new season of TV leaves me cold. I usually give about 3 shows a test run. I watch the pilot and if it grabs me I'll stay with it. Otherwise, I just don't have the time to devote to another show in my schedule. Conversely, I am so done with "ER" but I've been watching it for so long now that I have no choice but to sit through it every Thursday. Occasionally I actually enjoy it and the guest spots are usually dazzling. But overall I'm ready to lose it.
This year, ABC got me but good Monday nights.
8:00 is DEAL OR NO DEAL. This is the dumbest, simplest game show ever and Howie Mandel has the easiest job on the planet. But it's gripping as hell and a lot of fun.
9:00 is HEROES. Put 4 parts X-Men movies into 1 part LOST and that's pretty much what you've got. It's basically a superhero story, but done relatively realistically. It DOES come with a fairly high geek factor, so be aware of that. If you can get past that, you'll really enjoy this one.
10:00 is STUDIO 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP. This is the first of two SNL-based series this season. It's written by the guy who did THE WEST WING, so it's got rapid-fire dialogue, high-pressure situations and intricate relationships. It's so well done I can't believe it. After the pilot, I was not only prepared to watch it again next week, I was excited to! Matthew Perry does a swell job of not being Chandler Bing and a very good job at the character he's playing (I'm terrible with character names).
The second SNL-based show is called 30 ROCK. It premieres tonight, and I'm taping it, so I'll watch it sometime this weekend, probably. It's funny. It's called 30 ROCK. A number of years ago there was an unrelated show called 3RD ROCK (FROM THE SUN) and now there's 30 ROCK.
Next, maybe there'll be a sitcom about these Middle Eastern astronauts who fly to Mercury, but get caught in the Sun's gravitational pull. They swing around and come back towards Earth. The first two astronauts die, but the survivor crashes back to Earth. The show could be all about his take on the Iraq war with the perspective of having seen the whole Earth as one entity from space. It could be called 3RD IRAQI FROM THE SUN.
Or maybe that will never happen.
Monday, September 25, 2006
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
I haven't posted many reviews of movies or books lately. I've seen and read a few, but nothing really grabbed me enough to post. But last weekend I finally got out and saw Little Miss Sunshine. I still remember seeing the trailer for the first time and thinking, "I have GOT to see this!"
So, last weekend we saw it. I can't say it was perfect, but it was really damn good. It was funny and sad and cringey and poignant. I felt it cheated a little at the end, but overall I loved it. The acting was really good as a whole, but Abigail Breslin and Adam Arkin deserve major awards as the little girl and her grandpa.
The story is about a dysfunctional family on road trip to enter the daughter into a beauty contest. But the theme is about how pain and suffering make us who we are. That sounds a bit pretentious, but it doesn't feel that way in the movie.
I don't "like" Greg Kinnear. That is, I won't get excited about a project he's in just because he's in it. That said, I think he's an excellent actor and thought he did a great job in this one. I also recently saw him in The Matador, which, dispite its universal accolades, failed to entertain me. Greg was very good in it, but I didn't care for the movie at all.
One book I read recently and liked a lot was THE STOLEN CHILD by Keith Donohue. It was the story of a child who was abducted by forest gnomes and replaced with one of the gnomes who took the shape of the child. The novel then follows the growth of a gnome, living as a human and a child, living in the forest but forever doomed to remain a child until he trades with a human. It's a fantasy story on the surface, but underneath it explores the way that grown ups long to be children and children long to be grown ups. It was a very moving book and I recommend it highly to any and all.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Marlon Brando, Pocahontas and Me.
Marlon Brando died in 2004. When he died, I posted on my blog about his passing thusly:
I loved Brando, but he'd just turned into such a wacko that he couldn't act anymore. As far as I was concerned, he had died 15 years ago. I was sad to hear he died, but he was 80 years old and treated himself and everyone around him like crap. He was a great actor in his day and a huge influence on countles people. I just think he was finished bringing his art to the world.
I now publicly rescind that statement. I don't remember what it was, but something piqued my interest in Brando a few months ago. Maybe it was a story I read or something on TV. But I began looking up information about him and this interest in all things Brando finally culminated in my reading his autobigraphy, Songs My Mother Taught Me. I thought the book was fascinating and great read.
Brando grew up a sensitive kid who brought home injured animals and drunks because he was imbued with a need to help others. His parents were drunks who gave him no love. He grew up uneducated and fell into acting. It turned out he was extremely good at it because of his inate sensitivity and history of pain. He always considered it just a way to meet girls and get paid, but he kept at it. Once he found out he could work in movies, making more money for less actual work, he never went back to the stage. He continued to act as a way to support his living of life. He did a lot of dumb things, but he lived life the way he wanted to. He refused to allow life to be a burden in any way. I claimed he became unable to act in his later years. The truth is that he simply acted when someone agreed to pay him what he wanted. Then he'd show up for work.
I'm super simplifying, but that's the gist.
He did a play about Jews once and began a lifelong love of Jewish culture and gave millions of dollars to help the formation of Israel. Later in life he became enthralled with jazz and black culture. he became friends with the Black panthers and gave millions to their cause, marched with them and spoke on their behalf when possible. Then he empathized with the Native Americans and gave millions to them, fought alongside them and raised awareness. Late in life he bought an island in Tahiti and entrenched himself in Polynesian culture. He said he loved their wild, life-loving ways and he stayed on the island as often as he could.
He was a gregarious, giving man who would much rather stare at the stars, or play with children, or help the human race than act. In his book he tells, in great detail, the joy he once got out of going outside, picking a lime and squeezing the juice onto a rusty pipe, so the acid would remove the rust. That gave him more satisfaction than Apocolypse Now. But if someone wanted to give him millions of dollars for a couple week's work, he could afford to continue his lifestyle and pump money into various charities.
I think he was a great actor and a flawed, but fascinating human being.
Marlon Brando died in 2004. When he died, I posted on my blog about his passing thusly:
I loved Brando, but he'd just turned into such a wacko that he couldn't act anymore. As far as I was concerned, he had died 15 years ago. I was sad to hear he died, but he was 80 years old and treated himself and everyone around him like crap. He was a great actor in his day and a huge influence on countles people. I just think he was finished bringing his art to the world.
I now publicly rescind that statement. I don't remember what it was, but something piqued my interest in Brando a few months ago. Maybe it was a story I read or something on TV. But I began looking up information about him and this interest in all things Brando finally culminated in my reading his autobigraphy, Songs My Mother Taught Me. I thought the book was fascinating and great read.
Brando grew up a sensitive kid who brought home injured animals and drunks because he was imbued with a need to help others. His parents were drunks who gave him no love. He grew up uneducated and fell into acting. It turned out he was extremely good at it because of his inate sensitivity and history of pain. He always considered it just a way to meet girls and get paid, but he kept at it. Once he found out he could work in movies, making more money for less actual work, he never went back to the stage. He continued to act as a way to support his living of life. He did a lot of dumb things, but he lived life the way he wanted to. He refused to allow life to be a burden in any way. I claimed he became unable to act in his later years. The truth is that he simply acted when someone agreed to pay him what he wanted. Then he'd show up for work.
I'm super simplifying, but that's the gist.
He did a play about Jews once and began a lifelong love of Jewish culture and gave millions of dollars to help the formation of Israel. Later in life he became enthralled with jazz and black culture. he became friends with the Black panthers and gave millions to their cause, marched with them and spoke on their behalf when possible. Then he empathized with the Native Americans and gave millions to them, fought alongside them and raised awareness. Late in life he bought an island in Tahiti and entrenched himself in Polynesian culture. He said he loved their wild, life-loving ways and he stayed on the island as often as he could.
He was a gregarious, giving man who would much rather stare at the stars, or play with children, or help the human race than act. In his book he tells, in great detail, the joy he once got out of going outside, picking a lime and squeezing the juice onto a rusty pipe, so the acid would remove the rust. That gave him more satisfaction than Apocolypse Now. But if someone wanted to give him millions of dollars for a couple week's work, he could afford to continue his lifestyle and pump money into various charities.
I think he was a great actor and a flawed, but fascinating human being.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
HOLE IN THE GROUND
So, it's been a year since the Bush administration allowed New Orleans to be decimated by Hurricane Katrina. The incompetence of the Federal as well as the local government is staggering, as almost 2,000 people died and an entire city was demolished. So the mayor was asked why the city wasn't built back up already. Frustrated, he responded, ""You guys in New York can’t get a hole in the ground fixed and it’s five years later. So let’s be fair."
Is that harsh? Yup. Is it true? Yup.
I know I'm in the minority and most people will think I'm evil, but too bad. We have a strange obsession with memorializing the dead. My opinion is that when we die, the body is a useless piece of garbage. I want to be cremated when I die so we don't waste more cemetary space that can be better used for farming or housing. The idea that "ground zero" is hallowed ground is, to me, ludicrous. People died there and it was horrible. Each of those families should grieve in their own private way. Putting up a memorial of some kind is a nice gesture. But trying to make all 3000 families happy? Forget it. Half of them want it one way, the other half wants it the other way, and they get all pissy when someone shows them a design they don't like. No offense, but put up a plaque with their names, like the Vietnam memorial and put the towers back up there, or whatever else would better serve the city. What makes it holy ground? People dying there? If every spot on Earth that people were killed on became hallowed and un-developeable, we'd have no country left. "Ground zero" is in the middle of New York Friggin City. That space can be way better utilized than with a giant water fountain.
I see memorials up all over the place, where auto accidents have claimed innocent lives. It's horrible. I lost a brother to an auto accident. But I have no interest in enshrining that random piece of property. I keep my feelings about the death private, or within my circle of family and friends. I don't need to spend money on flowers and signs to show everyone my feelings. And these roadside memorials get refreshed every month, every year, forever. Why? I just don't understand it. I'm not even positive where my brother died. It doesn't matter to me. The intersection is simply a road that cars drive on, just like every other road. I don't need to visit his grave or the place where he died. It seems unhealthy to me to obsess over the death spot of a loved one.
I know I sound insensitive and cruel, but once a person dies, the only thing left is the memory they made in your brain. Their body is not the person you knew. To have an embalmed body at a funeral is crazy to me. It's like you're pretending they're not dead. "Look! He still looks the same!"
As I said, I know I'm in the minority. I haven't met one person who agrees with me on this. Whatever.
So, it's been a year since the Bush administration allowed New Orleans to be decimated by Hurricane Katrina. The incompetence of the Federal as well as the local government is staggering, as almost 2,000 people died and an entire city was demolished. So the mayor was asked why the city wasn't built back up already. Frustrated, he responded, ""You guys in New York can’t get a hole in the ground fixed and it’s five years later. So let’s be fair."
Is that harsh? Yup. Is it true? Yup.
I know I'm in the minority and most people will think I'm evil, but too bad. We have a strange obsession with memorializing the dead. My opinion is that when we die, the body is a useless piece of garbage. I want to be cremated when I die so we don't waste more cemetary space that can be better used for farming or housing. The idea that "ground zero" is hallowed ground is, to me, ludicrous. People died there and it was horrible. Each of those families should grieve in their own private way. Putting up a memorial of some kind is a nice gesture. But trying to make all 3000 families happy? Forget it. Half of them want it one way, the other half wants it the other way, and they get all pissy when someone shows them a design they don't like. No offense, but put up a plaque with their names, like the Vietnam memorial and put the towers back up there, or whatever else would better serve the city. What makes it holy ground? People dying there? If every spot on Earth that people were killed on became hallowed and un-developeable, we'd have no country left. "Ground zero" is in the middle of New York Friggin City. That space can be way better utilized than with a giant water fountain.
I see memorials up all over the place, where auto accidents have claimed innocent lives. It's horrible. I lost a brother to an auto accident. But I have no interest in enshrining that random piece of property. I keep my feelings about the death private, or within my circle of family and friends. I don't need to spend money on flowers and signs to show everyone my feelings. And these roadside memorials get refreshed every month, every year, forever. Why? I just don't understand it. I'm not even positive where my brother died. It doesn't matter to me. The intersection is simply a road that cars drive on, just like every other road. I don't need to visit his grave or the place where he died. It seems unhealthy to me to obsess over the death spot of a loved one.
I know I sound insensitive and cruel, but once a person dies, the only thing left is the memory they made in your brain. Their body is not the person you knew. To have an embalmed body at a funeral is crazy to me. It's like you're pretending they're not dead. "Look! He still looks the same!"
As I said, I know I'm in the minority. I haven't met one person who agrees with me on this. Whatever.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
ODYSSEY!
About 10 years ago, I had the idea to make a musical parody of 2001: A Space Odyssey. I got my brother to help me and he got his friend Dave to help us. Then we called a bunch of friends and musical heroes to help us out and now it's done! I wrote 21 of the 23 songs on the CD and I sing and play several instruments on it. I'm really proud of it and I invite you to check it out at www.odysseyalbum.com or just click on the cover!
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
THE JOB FROM HELL
Every once in a while I get a video job that is just more trouble than it’s worth, or something goes wrong, or the client is a pain in the ass. This Spring I had the ultimate.
Last year, I had done a video project for a client whom I will decline from naming. It paid well and this year, the client asked me to do the same kind of project for the same amount of money. It would be due May 3rd. In addition, she asked me to do an additional, secondary video project which would be longer, but not as important, but due sooner, April 30th. She also mentioned a much, much smaller project with no deadline, that I agreed to do for free, seeing as how I was getting a lot of work from her. We both agreed that the original project would be the priority. But as the event date of the second project got closer, the original project was put aside. I explained gingerly to my client that compromises would need to be made, since editing is time consuming and the deadline was looming. She agreed and proceeded in making change after change, sometimes changing her original changes. The stress of getting this job done and in time for me to finish the original job in time was intense. On top of all this, I was leaving for the Bahamas on May 5th for a week. So there was no room for delays on either of our ends.
The “secondary” project got done at the last possible minute and all was well. The only problem was that money was never discussed for this secondary project. It was understood I would be paid, but we never discussed an actual fee. The Primary project then got my furious attention and we hammered out a finished project on Saturday, April 29th, leaving me a single day to burn a master DVD and make copies and print labels. She wanted it FED EXed overnight on Monday, May 1st so she’d have it Tuesday the 2nd. I decided on a fee for the secondary project, based on the fee of the primary one. I thought it was fair, but I understood it was a lot of money, so I was expecting some kind of response to it.
I took the DVDs to the UPS Store and paid for the package to be delivered by 10:00am Tuesday. I happily drove home, mentally counting the money I was getting and feeling good that the job was done.
Silly me. Tuesday afternoon, around 5:00pm, I got a phone call from my client, who is in Manhattan, 30 miles away, asking why the package wasn’t there yet. I called up UPS, who told me that they had lost my package. That’s right. They lost it. They told me it was lost. They didn’t say it was “misguided” or “misrouted” or “experiencing a location problem” or any other euphemism. They told me it was lost and of course I would get my money back. Stunned, I called my client back. She told me that this package NEEDED to be in her hands by noon tomorrow, Wednesday. She “suggested” I call a courier service. Walsh Messenger Service had the biggest ad in the phone book. I called up and said, “Can you deliver a small package from Rockville Centre to Manhattan by noon tomorrow if you pick it up around 9:00am?” I was told this was no problem. I told them how UPS lost my stuff and they were as appalled as I was. Wednesday morning, I burned more copies of the DVD and printed more labels. The delivery guy showed up at my job at 8:45am. He waited while I finished. I paid him in cash and even gave him a $5.00 tip. He was out the door by 9:15am. Once again, I sat, relieved that the job was FINALLY done with.
Silly me. My client called me at 12:30pm and asked where the package was. She had held a meeting to view it, and a half hour later everyone left. She was in trouble with her superiors and I was getting yelled at. I never wanted to be in the Bahamas so much in my life. I was in my car and didn’t have Walsh’s info with me. Ten minutes later, at 12:40, my client called back saying they’d just gotten the package.
That night, I called Walsh Messenger Service, full of fury. “You told me you’d get it there by noon! What happened? My client needed it for a noon meeting!” The supervisor there responded that it was a “perfectly good delivery. 30 minutes late is acceptable. I said it wasn’t and demanded my money back. The woman on the other end…I swear to you…chuckled. “You want 100% back?” “Absolutely,” I answered, “I paid you to get it there by noon and you didn’t do it. The first thing I asked the woman when I called was ‘Can you get it there by noon?’ and she said yes.” The woman at Walsh asked me, in all seriousness, “Did she PROMISE you?” DID SHE PROMISE ME???? I wanted to reach through the phone and literally end this woman’s life. Simple physics were all that saved this woman and she had no idea. Apparently, when you hire Walsh Messenger Service, they deliver roughly a few hours before or after any time given. Specific times are not guaranteed. She now offered me 10% of the total, as a courtesy for my trouble. That was $4.00. I loudly explained that I had asked her company to deliver by noon and was told OK. The supervisor said they never promise exact times. I insisted that the other woman who had originally taken my order had done precisely that. So we had to wait a few days until the other woman came back to work so she could be asked about what she had actually said.
So, instead of sitting there, twiddling my thumbs, I decided to call UPS and yelled at them for a while. When they’d told me my package was lost, they also had told me that I would get a full refund. I was now asking for the courier service to be paid for by UPS, since UPS’s error caused me to hire Walsh. I also demanded the $100 of insurance that was automatically assigned to packages at UPS. I was told that since the item got there, I didn’t qualify for insurance. “The COURIER got it there, not YOU!” I bellowed. “No, I have in front of me that this was delivered by UPS and signed for at 1:00pm on Wednesday.” I couldn’t believe it. My client got both packages within a half hour of each other…both late. I was told that I was told there would be an investigation and I would be gotten back to.
All this under my belt, I went to the Bahamas and had a nice vacation. I came back a week later and picked things up.
The woman at the courier service was asked by her supervisor, my phone buddy, if she had promised me a noon delivery. Surprisingly enough, she didn’t remember the conversation. We were now at an impasse. I wanted my money back and she was not willing to give back more than half, and THAT was “as a courtesy” to me. I really didn’t want to back down. I had fought this woman, this company that wronged me, too long and for too hard to simply give in. But, our conversations had become automatic loops of “Yes you did” and “No I didn’t.” I finally told her that I was too tired to fight this anymore and please send me the half. She said OK and told me again how this was a courtesy to me because this was a perfectly good delivery. I interrupted her mid-sentence and said, “Well, we have very different opinions of what ‘courtesy’ means. I just don’t want to talk to you anymore. Do you have my address? Yes? Then please send the check.” I was told it would take 2 weeks. Four days later it occurred to me that I should have said, “2 weeks? You people can’t deliver ANYTHING on time, can you?” But I never did.
Meanwhile, I was waiting to hear back from Kelly, the supervisor at UPS. I called and left messages and sent faxes and waited and was told to try again “tomorrow.” Kelly was simply not answering my messages. I upped the messages to twice a day, telling her I would continue follow up. Finally, June 2nd, a month after the initial delivery, I got a call back. She told me that she was sending the check for the courier to me out of her own pocket. I was umoved by this charade of generosity. I said, “Great, what about the money I paid UPS for the initial delivery?” She told me they wouldn’t pay me for both things. I hung up and called the actual UPS store that I “delivered” from. Without explaining who I was, I asked if they had a policy for returning money if an item is mis-delivered. She said they refund it. I told her my situation and she agreed that I was entitled to my money back. She told me she would talk to her supervisor, Kelly, about it. At which point I practically collapsed into a heap of quivering jelly. “Fine.” I said. “I’ll wait for your call.”
Two days later, the nice lady at the UPS Store told me that my check was going out today and to have a nice day. I thanked her and waited. Then the checks came, finally. First came the check covering the cost of the courier, from UPS. You know, the one that Kelly paid for “out of her own pocket.” Yeah, well, the name on the check was something like: “Kavesha Industries, dba UPS Store.” Then I got the second UPS check and eventually the Walsh Messenger Service check.
So fine, I actually MADE money ($20.00) on the whole delivery fiasco, but what about the video projects? When I got home from the Bahamas, I saw I had an Email from my client, saying, in effect, “Whoa, this is WAY more than we had discussed!” I replied that it was fair, and we had actually never discussed a price. I maintained that if she had any emails from me, as she claimed, providing a fee for the secondary project, I would happily abide by them. If not, I told her, we’ll have to negotiate. So, clearly, I was ready to come down on my price if the need arose. She responded to me, saying that she was going away for the weekend but we could follow up on this after that. Fine.
Monday, in the mail, I got a check for the full amount of both jobs. I quickly deposited it and then sent an email to my client. I told her that the money thing was obviously resolved, but did she still want to work on the third, teeny, possibly free project? And if not, just let me know so I could send back the tons of source tapes and DVDs and CDs. I got no response. I sent another mail. No response.
I wish I had a better ending, like my client died or joined a cult or something, but I don’t. She’s not returning my emails and I’ve got tons of her stuff. I guess I’ll just throw it all in a box and UPS it to her….Bwahahahaha!!!!!
Every once in a while I get a video job that is just more trouble than it’s worth, or something goes wrong, or the client is a pain in the ass. This Spring I had the ultimate.
Last year, I had done a video project for a client whom I will decline from naming. It paid well and this year, the client asked me to do the same kind of project for the same amount of money. It would be due May 3rd. In addition, she asked me to do an additional, secondary video project which would be longer, but not as important, but due sooner, April 30th. She also mentioned a much, much smaller project with no deadline, that I agreed to do for free, seeing as how I was getting a lot of work from her. We both agreed that the original project would be the priority. But as the event date of the second project got closer, the original project was put aside. I explained gingerly to my client that compromises would need to be made, since editing is time consuming and the deadline was looming. She agreed and proceeded in making change after change, sometimes changing her original changes. The stress of getting this job done and in time for me to finish the original job in time was intense. On top of all this, I was leaving for the Bahamas on May 5th for a week. So there was no room for delays on either of our ends.
The “secondary” project got done at the last possible minute and all was well. The only problem was that money was never discussed for this secondary project. It was understood I would be paid, but we never discussed an actual fee. The Primary project then got my furious attention and we hammered out a finished project on Saturday, April 29th, leaving me a single day to burn a master DVD and make copies and print labels. She wanted it FED EXed overnight on Monday, May 1st so she’d have it Tuesday the 2nd. I decided on a fee for the secondary project, based on the fee of the primary one. I thought it was fair, but I understood it was a lot of money, so I was expecting some kind of response to it.
I took the DVDs to the UPS Store and paid for the package to be delivered by 10:00am Tuesday. I happily drove home, mentally counting the money I was getting and feeling good that the job was done.
Silly me. Tuesday afternoon, around 5:00pm, I got a phone call from my client, who is in Manhattan, 30 miles away, asking why the package wasn’t there yet. I called up UPS, who told me that they had lost my package. That’s right. They lost it. They told me it was lost. They didn’t say it was “misguided” or “misrouted” or “experiencing a location problem” or any other euphemism. They told me it was lost and of course I would get my money back. Stunned, I called my client back. She told me that this package NEEDED to be in her hands by noon tomorrow, Wednesday. She “suggested” I call a courier service. Walsh Messenger Service had the biggest ad in the phone book. I called up and said, “Can you deliver a small package from Rockville Centre to Manhattan by noon tomorrow if you pick it up around 9:00am?” I was told this was no problem. I told them how UPS lost my stuff and they were as appalled as I was. Wednesday morning, I burned more copies of the DVD and printed more labels. The delivery guy showed up at my job at 8:45am. He waited while I finished. I paid him in cash and even gave him a $5.00 tip. He was out the door by 9:15am. Once again, I sat, relieved that the job was FINALLY done with.
Silly me. My client called me at 12:30pm and asked where the package was. She had held a meeting to view it, and a half hour later everyone left. She was in trouble with her superiors and I was getting yelled at. I never wanted to be in the Bahamas so much in my life. I was in my car and didn’t have Walsh’s info with me. Ten minutes later, at 12:40, my client called back saying they’d just gotten the package.
That night, I called Walsh Messenger Service, full of fury. “You told me you’d get it there by noon! What happened? My client needed it for a noon meeting!” The supervisor there responded that it was a “perfectly good delivery. 30 minutes late is acceptable. I said it wasn’t and demanded my money back. The woman on the other end…I swear to you…chuckled. “You want 100% back?” “Absolutely,” I answered, “I paid you to get it there by noon and you didn’t do it. The first thing I asked the woman when I called was ‘Can you get it there by noon?’ and she said yes.” The woman at Walsh asked me, in all seriousness, “Did she PROMISE you?” DID SHE PROMISE ME???? I wanted to reach through the phone and literally end this woman’s life. Simple physics were all that saved this woman and she had no idea. Apparently, when you hire Walsh Messenger Service, they deliver roughly a few hours before or after any time given. Specific times are not guaranteed. She now offered me 10% of the total, as a courtesy for my trouble. That was $4.00. I loudly explained that I had asked her company to deliver by noon and was told OK. The supervisor said they never promise exact times. I insisted that the other woman who had originally taken my order had done precisely that. So we had to wait a few days until the other woman came back to work so she could be asked about what she had actually said.
So, instead of sitting there, twiddling my thumbs, I decided to call UPS and yelled at them for a while. When they’d told me my package was lost, they also had told me that I would get a full refund. I was now asking for the courier service to be paid for by UPS, since UPS’s error caused me to hire Walsh. I also demanded the $100 of insurance that was automatically assigned to packages at UPS. I was told that since the item got there, I didn’t qualify for insurance. “The COURIER got it there, not YOU!” I bellowed. “No, I have in front of me that this was delivered by UPS and signed for at 1:00pm on Wednesday.” I couldn’t believe it. My client got both packages within a half hour of each other…both late. I was told that I was told there would be an investigation and I would be gotten back to.
All this under my belt, I went to the Bahamas and had a nice vacation. I came back a week later and picked things up.
The woman at the courier service was asked by her supervisor, my phone buddy, if she had promised me a noon delivery. Surprisingly enough, she didn’t remember the conversation. We were now at an impasse. I wanted my money back and she was not willing to give back more than half, and THAT was “as a courtesy” to me. I really didn’t want to back down. I had fought this woman, this company that wronged me, too long and for too hard to simply give in. But, our conversations had become automatic loops of “Yes you did” and “No I didn’t.” I finally told her that I was too tired to fight this anymore and please send me the half. She said OK and told me again how this was a courtesy to me because this was a perfectly good delivery. I interrupted her mid-sentence and said, “Well, we have very different opinions of what ‘courtesy’ means. I just don’t want to talk to you anymore. Do you have my address? Yes? Then please send the check.” I was told it would take 2 weeks. Four days later it occurred to me that I should have said, “2 weeks? You people can’t deliver ANYTHING on time, can you?” But I never did.
Meanwhile, I was waiting to hear back from Kelly, the supervisor at UPS. I called and left messages and sent faxes and waited and was told to try again “tomorrow.” Kelly was simply not answering my messages. I upped the messages to twice a day, telling her I would continue follow up. Finally, June 2nd, a month after the initial delivery, I got a call back. She told me that she was sending the check for the courier to me out of her own pocket. I was umoved by this charade of generosity. I said, “Great, what about the money I paid UPS for the initial delivery?” She told me they wouldn’t pay me for both things. I hung up and called the actual UPS store that I “delivered” from. Without explaining who I was, I asked if they had a policy for returning money if an item is mis-delivered. She said they refund it. I told her my situation and she agreed that I was entitled to my money back. She told me she would talk to her supervisor, Kelly, about it. At which point I practically collapsed into a heap of quivering jelly. “Fine.” I said. “I’ll wait for your call.”
Two days later, the nice lady at the UPS Store told me that my check was going out today and to have a nice day. I thanked her and waited. Then the checks came, finally. First came the check covering the cost of the courier, from UPS. You know, the one that Kelly paid for “out of her own pocket.” Yeah, well, the name on the check was something like: “Kavesha Industries, dba UPS Store.” Then I got the second UPS check and eventually the Walsh Messenger Service check.
So fine, I actually MADE money ($20.00) on the whole delivery fiasco, but what about the video projects? When I got home from the Bahamas, I saw I had an Email from my client, saying, in effect, “Whoa, this is WAY more than we had discussed!” I replied that it was fair, and we had actually never discussed a price. I maintained that if she had any emails from me, as she claimed, providing a fee for the secondary project, I would happily abide by them. If not, I told her, we’ll have to negotiate. So, clearly, I was ready to come down on my price if the need arose. She responded to me, saying that she was going away for the weekend but we could follow up on this after that. Fine.
Monday, in the mail, I got a check for the full amount of both jobs. I quickly deposited it and then sent an email to my client. I told her that the money thing was obviously resolved, but did she still want to work on the third, teeny, possibly free project? And if not, just let me know so I could send back the tons of source tapes and DVDs and CDs. I got no response. I sent another mail. No response.
I wish I had a better ending, like my client died or joined a cult or something, but I don’t. She’s not returning my emails and I’ve got tons of her stuff. I guess I’ll just throw it all in a box and UPS it to her….Bwahahahaha!!!!!
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
NORTHPORT, New York (AP) -- Two high school seniors picked quotations from Adolf Hitler's book "Mein Kampf" to appear under their high school yearbook pictures, prompting school officials to apologize.The quotes were picked by Christopher Koulermos and Philip Compton, both 18. Koulermos' read "Strength lies not in defense, but in attack." Compton chose "The great masses of people ... will more easily fall victims to a big lie than to a small one."
"It's our responsibility and we failed miserably," said Northport High School principal Irene McLaughlin. "The fact that the book went out in the form it did was a grave mistake on our part."
McLaughlin and superintendent William Brosnan said the yearbook's student staff and its adviser, teacher Robert Runyan, saw the quotations before they were published.
The district plans to send a written apology to parents this week. School officials would not comment on whether they would discipline the two seniors or Runyan.
Officials also are discussing with the yearbook's publishing company either reprinting the section in question or offering special tape to people who want to cover the quotes.
Compton's father, Steven, said that his son meant no harm in picking the quote. "I guess he didn't seriously consider the source; he was more interested in the quote," he said. "He's a child."
Now, let me get off on the right foot here. I am not a fan of Hitler. Adolph Hitler was the closest thing to evil the 20th century produced. But let's keep this in perspective. Look at the quotes these kids used: "Strength lies not in defense, but in attack." and "The great masses of people ... will more easily fall victims to a big lie than to a small one." What if Sun Tzu was given credit for these quotes? What if Britney Spears was given credit for them? What if they were listed as Anonymous? The quotes are simply words. They don't encourage violence or antisocial behavior. Perhaps it's my bias, but both quotes seem like a criticism of the Bush administration. To me, they seem like quotes that support the president's policies of attacking pre-emptively and lying to the American people about some major stuff. And the kicker is that Hitler said them, so the mind makes a connection: That stuff Bush's doing? Hitler's idea!
But the idea of all these administrators bending over backwards to apologize drives me crazy! The quotes are harmless. The power is in the name Adolph Hitler. Does the mere printing of his name mean that you support his legacy? When people sport stickers on their cars reading, "9/11/01," does that mean that they love the destruction of that day? No! It's simple acknowledgement of its existence. What if the quote said, "I don't eat meat because I'm a vegeterian. -Adolph Hitler"? The natural assumption to ME would be that this student is anti-vegetarian, not Pro Hilter!
Look, Hitler is almost a synonym for evil. When you compare someone to Hitler or a Nazi, it's the most extreme kind of accusation. So naturally, his name is a context-less lightning rod. Anytime Hitler's name is mentioned outside of the History Channel, it sparks knee-jerk reactions. "What? Hitler? How Dare You!" It's just like the word nigger. Of course the word nigger is an ugly, horrible word to call someone. If someone's yearbook quote was "Kill all niggers -Strom Thurmond," I could see a problem. But what if the quote was "Don't let anyone call you a nigger -Miles Davis"? The word is still there, but the context is different. (I don't suggest using any of these quotes in yourt yearbook, by the way...they're all made up to make a point.) I deplore the use of the word faggot. And yet, I love the Green Day lyric: "Well maybe I'm the faggot America; I'm not a part of the Redneck agenda." The point there is that if you're nt a redneck, you're considered a fag. Those are the two extremes we seem to live in. He's not actually calling someone a "faggot."
George Carlin once said about offensive words in context: "There's nothing wrong with the word 'nigger' in and of itself. It's the racist c***sucker who's using it that you've got to watch out for!"
So, while I'd never quote Hitler myself, I certainly believe it's perfectly OK to do so when the message is not one of hate. I promise my next post will be lighter and fluffier.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Time play catch-up.Sorry, it's been a long time. A lot has gone on since May.
Firstly, I was deeply involved in a job from hell, which I will recount in glorious, excessive detail in the very near future. I had my 10th anniversary second honeymoon with my lovely wife in the Bahamas. A bartendress there asked me if anyone ever told me I look just like that guy on American Idol. "The host?" I asked. "No, that guy who sings..." "Taylor Hicks, the grey haired guy?" "Yeah!" Ouch.
I read two books by Jack Finney, called Time and Time Again and Time After Time. The second is the sequel to the first. The first one involves a guy named Simon, who is asked by the government to go back in time to 1880s New York City to do something which I won't divulge. The next 9/10 of the book is spent detailing what life and the world was like in 1880. The plot is only there to make it seem less like a history book. The second book continues Simon's trips through time, this time to 1912 New York City. Again, the bulk of the book seems to be in detailing life in 1912, with a time travel plot thrown in. Interestingly enough, Simon travels through time by way of the Dakota buildingg in NYC, because that building is one of the only ones functional now as it was in 1880. The Dakota also figures in such recently reviewed time travel books as The Time Machine Did It and Shroud of the Thwacker. Coincidence? After all this crazy time travel stuff, I went to the library to find something new to read. A copy of Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut was on the table. I picked it up and took it out. It's a classic and I'd never read it. So I start reading it and, among other things, it's about time travel! I can't get away from time travel books!
I also read an interview book called This Is Orson Welles. It's a fascinating and frustrating look at the life and career of Orson Welles. I could go on for days talking about Orson Welles, but I won't. At least not now.
Other than that I've been pretty busy at work, taking side jobs and trying to finish this CD project I started writing and recording about 8 years ago. Hopefully I'll be blogging you to buy it by the end of the summer. So that's it in a nutshell. I'll try to check in more often again. Ciao!
Monday, April 10, 2006
"How'd you like to go black and make a really tough decision about whether or not to go back?" - Family GuyMy very first blog involved Coca Cola flavor combinations. I bought Vanilla Coke and Cherry Coke and tried to mix them together to make Cherry Vanilla Coke. It didn't work. I could taste each individual flavor. They didn't melt together into one new majestic flavor. Now, two years later or so, Coke has released Cherry Vanilla Coke. It takes exactly like mine did two years ago. Don't get me wrong, it's not BAD...It's just not better than Vanilla Coke or Cherry Coke by itself. I still like to buy it though because it's in a new bottle and everything. I have, in my lifetime, had the following Coke products:
Original Coke, New Coke, Classic Coke, Cherry Coke, Vanilla Coke, Cherry Vanilla Coke, Coke with Lime, Diet Coke, Coke Lite (German Diet Coke), Diet Coke with Lemon, Diet Coke with Lime, Diet Cherry Coke, Diet Vanilla Coke, Diet Cherry Vanilla Coke, Coke Zero and C2. Apparently there's a Coke (not diet) with lemon out there, but I've never seen it. Of course, this list doesn't count all the homemade flavors, like when you buy a Big Gulp at 7-111 and slap all the sodas and run your cup back and forth underneath them all, getting a Root Beer/Sprite/Orange/Diet/Pepsi/Coke/Lemonade atrocity. C2 is a slightly lighter version of Coke. The difference between Diet Coke and Coke Zero is all in the taste. Both have the exact same nutritional information and ingredients, even though Coke Zero is advertised as "the zero calorie cola"....Diet Coke is zero calories, too. Coke Zero tastes sweeter. Diet Coke is much crisper.
Now, Coke has released their newest scraping of the flavor barrel with Coke Blak. The first time I saw it, I held it my hands and immediately conjured up a line from Max Barry's book, Syrup:
"New cola product. Black can. Called Fukk."
In fact, that line is the basis for the entire book, but I won't get into that too much. But here in my hand is a black bottle called BLAK. Not FUKK, but still very similar. And while, in Syrup, FUKK is nothing more than an ordinary cola with more bubbles, BLAK is actually something different. Not actually GOOD, but different. It tastes almost exactly like 4/5 C2 and 1/5 iced coffee. It's got a hint of Aspartame and a dollop of coffee "essence," according to the ads. Would you like seltzer in your coffee? No! So why put coffee in soda? It's billed as a "carbonated (really? From Coke????) fusion (Why is it "fusion?" because it's two flavors? Then why isn't Diet Cherry Vanilla Coke a SUPERFUSION??) beverage. It's more expensive than regular Coke and it comes in a black, glass bottle with a label that covers it completely. You are left to your imagination as to whether the carbonated fusion beverage inside is actually black. I never poured it out, so I have no idea. I assume it is, but with a hint of copper coloring...Excuse me, CARAMEL coloring... To make it more delicious.
So I'm not a big fan, but I must admit, it does everything it is meant to do. I bought it and drank it, and when people saw me with it, they all said, "Wow! What's THAT! How do you pronounce it? BLAKE?? What's it taste like?" And at a paltry 8 oz, versus a standard 12 oz, nobody gets a taste of mine! So I bet at least 24% of them went out and tasted it for themselves. So it was cool to have but it does not go well with pizza.
Monday, April 03, 2006
A couple thoughts on Stephen King
I recently finished Stephen King's first "post-retirement" novel, CELL.
I've been a King reader for many many years. I'm not sure if it's because he's an amazing writer, or more because his books are found everywhere and he's a known entity. My favorite of his books is THE STAND, a post-apocolyptic world in which a man-made virus kills off something like 85% of the world's population. The amazing part of the book is the examination of the world without people, like the way nature quickly takes the Earth back after Man is no longer able to maintain his dominance. But then it gets a little silly when the population is divided into Good and Evil and a war ensues. But basically it's an epic story well told. Most of his other books are simple horror stories well told and some are simply crap.
It's easy to dismiss him as a hack who has put 46 more books than he should have, but he's also done some very challenging (for him) works. He's known as a horror writer, but he wrote GERALD'S GAME, DOLORES CLAIBOURNE and ROSE MADDER, three dramas about women and their abusive men. He also tried out a unique (for our century) concept, the serial novel. GREEN MILE was put out (and written) in monthly installments. I remember feverishly running out to buy each one as it came out. I still love that novel almost as much as THE STAND. He also wrote about 7 novels under a pseudonym and a non-fiction book about horror movies. He also has written a story cycle called THE DARK TOWER. It's a 7-book story written over 25 years. References to THE DARK TOWER abound in all of his books. It's like the DARK TOWER universe is just under the surface of ours and pops through every once in a while. It's a fascinating concept, but I just could NOT get into the first book at all.
King tried directing one of his movies, MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE and it sucked. He's written a few screenplays, too, including STORM OF THE CENTURY which was a very good TV movie. Stephen King has tried just about every form of writing: non-fiction, fiction, novels, novellas, short stories, poems, essays, drama, horror, science fiction, screenplays, and the list goes on.
Then he got hit by a car.
He was clearly bitter about the accident. He verbally tore into the careless driver every chance he could. His body was broken and he was in intense pain for a long time. As part of his recovery, he finished his next book, ON WRITING, a half memoir/half advice book. He talks about his life and the accident and also about how he writes and how he thinks YOU should write. Not what style, I mean, but how to go about it. It's a fascinating book. Then he announced his retirement from writing and that his last novel would be FROM A BUICK 8.
STOP READING IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ SPOILERS ABOUT "FROM A BUICK 8", "THE COLORADO KID " or "CELL."
The story of FROM A BUICK 8 is, in a nutshell, that an old Buick shows up and it turns out that the trunk is a pathway to another dimension. It sounds really stupid, but I was totally engaged while reading it. The whole story is told to a kid, by his father's buddies after the father is killed. You are lead to believe that the Buick will tie into the father's death, but it doesn't. THe ending is kind of like, "Yeah, we never figured out what the car's all about and we'll never figure out why your Dad's dead. The End." I was pissed when I read that ending, but I then realized that the point of the book was that things just happen and there's no explaining or agonizing over why. This was clearly King's own kind of catharsis over his accident.
Then he came out with a very short novel called THE COLORADO KID in which two old guys tell a young girl about this mysterious murder many years ago. At the end of the book...nothing happens. I'll paraphrase liberally: "Yeah, we never figured out how the guy died. The End." Again, the point seemed to be that things happen and sometimes you don't know why. Ok, ok, he's still getting over his accident and now 9/11 has happened, so he's just feeling helpless, fine.
Then he comes out of retirement with a full-blown novel called CELL, in which cell phones inexplicably become zombie-making machines. One day, out of the blue, cell phones begin broadcasting signals that scramble people's brains and turn them into telepathic zombies. The main zombie is organizing the zombies to turn the remaining normal people into zombies. It seemed really disturbingly similar to THE STAND. In both books, a handful of normal people must organize and try to fight the evildoers. The main character in CELL (not a zombie) spends the book searching for his son. Along the way, he finds out a way to possibly reverse the zombism. He finally reaches his zombie kid and begins to administer the "fix." The End. We never find out what caused the phones to become zombie-makers and we never find out if the kid is OK or not.
Look, Steve, we all understand your sudden realization that we don't understand much more than we do, but it makes for frustrating story-telling.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Don Knotts, better known to you and me as Mr. Furley from Three's Company and to your parents as Barney Fife from The Andy Griffith Show and your kids as the voice of Mayor Turkey Lurkey from the Chicken Little movie, died a few weeks ago. I had forgotten, but many many years ago, I made a song about Don Knotts, sort of. There was a Don Knotts movie marathon on TV and I taped it. Afterwards I sifted through the films, looking for good dialogue. Then I digitized it and using my very primitive software, created the Don Knotts Megamix. I was very very proud of it, but after hearing it again after all these years, it's less impressive than I remembered. Oh well. Here it is anyway. Bye, Don.
DON KNOTTS MEGAMIX
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS
If you're as big a fan of the Simpsons as I am, you probably own the DVDs. Each DVD has cast and crew commentary on every single episode, where they talk about all the behind-the-scenes gossip and "how'd they think of that" and "what does that reference refer to?" questions are answered. It's loads of fun and very interesting. Through the 7 seasons of DVD commentaries, I feel I know the writers and producers a little bit more now. Except for one guy: John Swartzwelder. John Swartzwelder is a writer for The Simpsons. He has written more episodes than any other writer. He doesn't sit in with the other writers in a group at meetings, he simply writes his own scripts and submits them. All rewrites are done without him. He has done NO commentaries and makes no public appearances. Some of the directors and producers comment that certain jokes are very "Swartzwelder." This usually means they are jokes that take you out of the Simpson universe for a split second. Like, when Bart asks his father for $750 and he simply opens his wallet and hands him a wad of cash. It's totally unrealistic and defies all logic of that particular episode's universe. Anyway, I got to thinking that Mr. John Swartzwelder was ficticious. I suspected he was a made-up writer, whose name was used whenever writers didn't like their work and refused to have their name associated with the episode. This didn't pan out, because the Swartzwelder episodes are some of the best. Then I decided that his name was used when the entire group of writers pitched in equally to the script. Then, on one of the commentaries, they mentioned that John had written a couple books that were available on Amazon. I looked and found them. I found one of them on Ebay, autographed, for $15 and snatched it up. The cover proclaims, "By the wirter of 49 episodes of the Simpsons." I don't know, it just seemed to sound a little fishy. Then, I searched the net to find any picture of him. In several commentaries, a shaggy-looking, overweight man in the background is identified by the crew as a caricature of John himself. I finally was able to track down a photo and here he is:
He looks very much like the cartoon version of him. I'm ready to believe he does exist and eccentric, but does exist.
The book is called "The Time Machine Did It." I'm about halfway through it now, but it is certainly similar in style to some of the Simpsons episodes he is credited to. It's ridiculous and wacky and zany. It involves a private investigator and a time machine. There is absolutely no realism. It's just a bunch of jokes strung together by a crazy thread of a plot. It reminded me VERY strongly of Chris Elliot's book, "The Shroud of the Thwacker." I reviewed that book a few months ago, but I'm not gonna go back and find the link. Find it yourself if you care. Suffice to say I liked it.
Anyway, the way that one book was so similar to the other reminded me of another similarity. I saw a movie that recently came out on DVD. It's a stop-motion film that is kind of a scary movie, but also a parody of scary movies. It takes place in England. It involves a big event at the end that everyone is looking forward to, but may not happen. The bad guy wants to marry a girl for her money, but is chased away at the end. If you said the movie is "Wallace and Gromit and the Curse of the Wererabbit," you're right! However, if you said "Corpse Bride," you're ALSO right! I enjoyed both movies, but they were both very different, despite their similarities.
Which reminds me of how much I hate when movies and music are re-released in different versions without the public being made aware. I mean, when Star Wars is re-released in a new version, it's made public that changes were made. I'm referring to things like E.T. When E.T. came out on DVD, Spielberg decided to make changes to the film, like when Elliot's mom tells him he looks like a terrorist. Spielberg decided that only now in a post-9/11 world do people know how terrible terrorists are. So he redubbed that line to say "Hippie." How telling is it that Steven Spielberg, maverick filmmaker of the 1970s, has decided that "Hippie" is a suitable replacement for "Terrorist?" Also, he digitially replaced the guns in the hands of E.T.s predators with walkie-talkies. So now, instead of chasing him down with the intent of shooting him, they're simply going to talk about him to their superiors? What the Hell?
So, again, the problem isn't that he changed these things (well, it is, but it's not my main point.) The problem is that he didn't advertise this. Likewise, did you ever get a greatest hits album on CD and find the songs mixed differently from the original albums? I bought Nena's "99 Luftballoons" CD a while back for the sole purpose of getting that song. THe rest of the album is crap. The one song was re-mixed to a dance version. Pissed me off. Another time, I got Art of Noise's "In Visible Silence" CD in which the instrumental "Paranoimia" was replaced with a Max Headroom-led version. I went out and digitized my old record for the "correct" version. My ZZ Top CD box set, collecting all 6 original records, contains MANY remixes and alternate songs without any hints. It's all very insulting. But the best example of this has to be Ozzy Osbourne's "Blizzard of Ozz" CD. Apparently the bass player and drummer for this awesome record felt they were getting screwed out of royalties. When they sued Ozzy, Ozzy simply re-recorded their parts with new musicians. So the vocals, keyboard and guitar work is from 1980-whatever, and the drums and bass are vintage 2000-whatever. Also, the offending musicians are airbrushed out of the back-cover photo.
As I said, I find this insulting. The artists figure we can't tell the difference or don't care. Well, I can and I do. Unfortunately, all I can do about it is bother you people with my whiny complaints...which does very little to achieve any sort closure, truth be told.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
COMPANYMax Barry's third book has come out! His first two were called Syrup and Jennifer Government and I loved them both. Go out and get Company and let's read together! I'm currently trying to finish up the Narnia Chronicles as well as Al Franken's The Truth With Jokes, but any day now I'll be starting to dent Company. It has gotten nothing but praise so far so I'm really excited!
Monday, January 16, 2006
BIG BUCKS: THE PRESS YOUR LUCK SCANDAL
Press Your Luck was a game show in the 1980s that featured the "big board." The concept was that you sat and watched twenty small screens flash all kinds different prizes, and one screen at a time would momentarily become hilighted for a second or less. The idea was to smack your plunger at the moment you thought the hilighted screen was a big prize. The problem was that some screens had "whammys." If you landed on a whammy when you pressed your plunger, a little cartoon came on screen and took away all your winnings thus far.
Last week, on the Game Show Network, I was captivated by a two hour "documentary" called "Big Bucks: The Press Your Luck Scandal." In all honesty it was 2 half hour episodes of Press Your Luck, padded out with interviews and footage that had been previously edited out. That said, it was pretty fascinating. Here's the story in a nutshell:
In 1984 Michael Larson was a contestant on the show. It was his turn for the big board. A contestant plays the board as long as he wants to, without getting a Whammy, and then passes to the next player when he feels he's pressed his luck as far as he should. Michael played the board and won. And won. And won. And won. He kept playing and playing and playing. The total winning amount was climbing to $50,000, $60,000, $70,000 and up, up up. If he hit just one Whammy, he would have lost it all. The crowd was going crazy. The host was bewildered. The other contestants were bored. It got to the point where he was screaming with victory split seconds after hitting the plunger, before any normal person would know if they'd Whammied out or not. Then it was pointed out to us, the audience of this documentary, that every time he won, it was on one of two squares on the board.
Apparently there were two squares on the board that never got Whammys. But they flip by so fastt, how was one able to stop on them? Because there were 5 different patterns of lights. This guy went out and memorized all 5 patterns to the point that he always knew when a sure-thing was coming up. He won over $110,000 before doubting his strategy. Most winners were happy with $20,000. The suits at Press Your Luck figured out his scam and refused to pay him his winnings before the lawyers pointed out he did nothing illegal or against the rules. So, Michael got paid. The host asked what he was going to do with his winnings and Larson replied, "Real Estate!"
Confident with his skilll at winning, Larson put all his winnings into a real estate deal which turned out to be a scam. He lost it all. Desperate, he entered a radio contest in which contestants could win big money if they could produce a series of consecutively numbered dollar bills. Michael and his girlfriend emptied their bank accounts in 1-dollar bills and spent weeks looking through the piles. One day, they came home to find the piles of cash all gone. They'd been robbed. He lost everything.
Larson kept trying to get back on Press Your Luck, particularly after the movie Quiz Show brought the game show scandal back into vogue. But he was never invited back on and he ended up dying of cancer in 1999 after being divorced three times.
There are a ton of websites devoted to this story. Here are a few:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Larson
http://gscentral.net/larsen.htm
http://www.xanfan.com/pressyourluck/larson.htm
http://www.rotten.com/library/conspiracy/Press_Your_Luck
Thursday, January 05, 2006
KING KONGS
I freakin' loved this movie. I just thought it was really good. The worst part, by far, was the asshole with the laser pointer pissing off the audience on 4 seperate occasions. The effects were mostly spectacular, the emotional aspect was heartbreaking and the action non-stop.
Which brings me to by only true complaint. There was too much action on the island. It was like an hour of continually trying to outdo the last scene. It got to the point where I was totally removed from any realism the action might have had. And the disgustingness of the monsters was way gratuitous. I'd heard the first hour is slow, as Kong isn't in the film yeat and it's all setup. I disagree. I thought it was very effective and not too slow at all. I will agree, however, that the kid on the boat was completely pointless. He could have been removed and saved me 20 minutes of the film. That said, I didn't mind it until the movie was over and I began to rethink it all.
Yeah, there are som leaps of faith you have to make, like why isn't Ann freezing her nuts off on top of the Empire State Building? But who cares? It was a fun film with fantastic effects.
The following night I rented the original, as I'd never really watched it before. I settled in for comparison viewing, rather than to fully enjoy it on its own merits. You know when you read a book and then see the movie and they've shortened it and sucked all character development and emotional interest out of it? That's how I felt about the original Kong. There was so little plot and no sympathetic characters. It was pretty tedious to watch. The effects are mostly terrible by today's standards, as you can imagine. But I mean, look at the picture above. Does it even resemble a gorilla? I know, I know, it was 1933 and audiences actually fainted when it was released. All I can say is it didn't age well. I was amused to see some scenes and some dialogue lifted completely from this version to the 2005 version. I don't remember the 1976 version at all. The funny thing is, the dialogue and scenes taken from the original are played off as corny or purposefully badly done in the 2005 version. For example, the natives' dance in the 1933 version is used in the 2005 version to show the bastardization of the culture on the stage show in NY. Very clever, I thought.
Anyway, I highly recommend the new remake and the original for curiosity's sake.
I freakin' loved this movie. I just thought it was really good. The worst part, by far, was the asshole with the laser pointer pissing off the audience on 4 seperate occasions. The effects were mostly spectacular, the emotional aspect was heartbreaking and the action non-stop.
Which brings me to by only true complaint. There was too much action on the island. It was like an hour of continually trying to outdo the last scene. It got to the point where I was totally removed from any realism the action might have had. And the disgustingness of the monsters was way gratuitous. I'd heard the first hour is slow, as Kong isn't in the film yeat and it's all setup. I disagree. I thought it was very effective and not too slow at all. I will agree, however, that the kid on the boat was completely pointless. He could have been removed and saved me 20 minutes of the film. That said, I didn't mind it until the movie was over and I began to rethink it all.
Yeah, there are som leaps of faith you have to make, like why isn't Ann freezing her nuts off on top of the Empire State Building? But who cares? It was a fun film with fantastic effects.
The following night I rented the original, as I'd never really watched it before. I settled in for comparison viewing, rather than to fully enjoy it on its own merits. You know when you read a book and then see the movie and they've shortened it and sucked all character development and emotional interest out of it? That's how I felt about the original Kong. There was so little plot and no sympathetic characters. It was pretty tedious to watch. The effects are mostly terrible by today's standards, as you can imagine. But I mean, look at the picture above. Does it even resemble a gorilla? I know, I know, it was 1933 and audiences actually fainted when it was released. All I can say is it didn't age well. I was amused to see some scenes and some dialogue lifted completely from this version to the 2005 version. I don't remember the 1976 version at all. The funny thing is, the dialogue and scenes taken from the original are played off as corny or purposefully badly done in the 2005 version. For example, the natives' dance in the 1933 version is used in the 2005 version to show the bastardization of the culture on the stage show in NY. Very clever, I thought.
Anyway, I highly recommend the new remake and the original for curiosity's sake.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
You know, I was going to make some kind of "best of 2005" list but after thinking about it, I saw very few movies and none of them really blew me away. My little girl turned 1, we got our driveway and steps of the house redone and we got a new fence installed. All good things, to be sure. Nothing else really made much of an impression on me, as far as entertainment goes, so I'll just do the best I can to recap the year.
WORLD
First, George W Bush got inaugurated. After winning 51% of the country's vote and losing 49%, the man claimed he had a mandate to spend all the political capital he'd earned. In his mind, he'd won the presidency, so he that meant most people supported him and he could do whatever he wanted. More on that later.
Then we had to sit through this Terry Schiavo crap. The woman was a vegetable with a liquefied brain, so of course, the religious right wanted to keep her around. The woman was a living, breathing piece of meat. Her husband wasn't some kind of monster. He simply understood the situation. The court did the right thing in letting him remove her feeding tube.
Then, the Pope died. Another death circus. As far as Popes go, I guess John Paul II wasn't the worst of them, but he still helped hide child molesting priests, told millions that gays are evil, and told tons of AIDS-stricken Africans not to use condoms and to simply stop having sex. Unfortunately, this new Pope looks like a hundred times worse.
Katrina hit in August. The botched rescues and loss of life here is pretty astonishing. This has all been covered in better detail than I can ever hope to. But one thing that hasn't been covered too much was why Katrina was so huge. Why are there more storms this year and why are they all worse than ever? Global warming? YES! You fools! Global warming exists! It screws with the ecosystem and causes all kinds of crazy weather! And yet, did the United Stated sign the Kyoto Protocol? No! According to Wikipedia, "The Kyoto Protocol or Kyoto Protocol to the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change is an international treaty on climate change. .... Countries that ratify this protocol commit to reduce their emissions of carbon dioxide and five other greenhouse gases, or engage in emissions trading if they maintain or increase emissions of these gases. The objective is the "stabilization of greenhouse gas concentrations in the atmosphere at a level that would prevent dangerous anthropogenic interference with the climate system." The Bush administration has said that signing this deal and helping the world's environment would bankrupt America. In other words, screw the air and water, business is business!
The White House spokesman had said "If anyone in this administration was involved in it [the outing of CIA operative Valerie Plame], they would no longer be in this administration." Then, when people actually started getting investigated, they said that if anyone was "convicted" in connection with this scandal, they would no longer work in the White House. Backpedaling jerks. And America said, "Well, alright." Then Bush said that he acknowledges that Iraq was no threat to us and yet it was the right thing to go to war. It was right to alienate the world and kill thousands of innocent people even though they were no threat to us. America said, "Well, alright." Then it was revealed that George Bush's administration illegally wiretapped phones and spied on Americans without a court order. He said, "Yeah, I did it, but I did it to keep you safe!" America said, "Well, alright." So now, George W Bush knows for a fact that he can do whatever he wants, legal or otherwise and "America" will sit back and take it. Thanks, everyone. Why have laws if the president can just break them over and over again with no recourse? And Clinton got impeached? This is ridiculous.
Speaking of ridiculous, this brand new version of the evolution/creationism debate is insane. If you believe in creationism, that's fine (I guess), but it is NOT science and therefore should not be mentioned in science class. Kudos to the amazing FSM movement. Should I ever renounce my Athiesm, I will no doubt become a Pastafarian.
MOVIES and DVDs
Most of the movies I saw this year sucked, with one or two exceptions.
Star Wars 3: Revenge of the Sith.
This was the best of the prequels, but that ain't saying much. A waste of time, but I'd invested so much of my life to the "regular" three movies I had to see all the prequels, but FOOEE, did they stink!
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
A great series of books, records and radio shows, a very decent (if poorly funded) TV show and a stinker of a movie. They got it all wrong. They made it all slapstick with no clever science fiction humor and dry British humor. Yech.
War of the Worlds
Great effects, lots of destruction, Steven Spielberg and Tom Cruise...how could it go wrong? I dunno, but it did. Maybe I would have liked it better in the theater instead of on DVD, but this was a terrible remake considering the talent involved.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
The original was a classic, and yet it strayed significantly from the book. This one promised to be true to the book. Pshaw! It strayed just as much, just in different places...the wrong ones. The whole tone was wrong.
Sin City
I gave this one a "thumbs down" but in retrospect, compared to the other movies I saw, this one held my interest and had some art to it. I'll rent it, I'm sure, and re-judge it.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
This was the best film I saw in the theaters in 2005. It wasn't perfect, but it was fun and respectful to the source.
Wallace and Gromit in the Curse of the Wererabbit
Not as great as the original shorts, but still better than most of the most of the other movies I've seen. I saw this one twice; once for me and once with my son. I enjoyed myself both times.
Flightplan
Not a great movie, by any stretch, but I had fun with it.
The Incredibles DVD
It's hard to believe this came out this year. This is an amazing film. I don't let my 4-year old son watch it for two reasons:
1. It's a little adult for him and there's no reason to go out of my way to expose him to it when there's plenty of appropriate stuff for him out there.
2. I don't want him watching it over and over again and ruining the magic of it for me. I've seen Monsters Inc. and Wallace and Gromit so many times that they've lost all emotional impact. Icredibles is mine!
Some Kind of Monster
Metallica's "Let it Be." See the band fight and make up and write and record their latest album! The music isn't great, but the movie is. I used to love Metallica, but they've gotten crappy over the last 10 years.
Me and You and Everyone We Know
This is an impossible to describe film, except to say it's beautiful and weird and not for everyone.
DEATHS
Holy crap did a lot of people die this year! And no, I'm not talking about the Iraq war and Katrina. I'm talking about entertainers. Let's list them:
Pope John Paul II: Ok, he wasn't really very entertaining.
Richard Pryor: A freaking genius. He spawned a bunch of terrible comedians, but he was a true artist
Patrick Crenshaw: The guy who played the hobo in "Pee Wee's Big Adventure." She'll be coming 'round the mountain, old fella.
Vincent Schiavelli: The guy who played the ghost on the subway in "Ghost." "Get off my train!"
Michael Vale: The guy who played Sam Breakstone and the Dunkin' Donuts guy in those commercials.
Johnny Carson: I wasn't a huge fan and I don't think he was a nice guy, but the Tonight Show was a really powerful show. It exuded respect. TV has changed to the point where there are no iconic shows like this anymore. Jay Leno sucks. No one will remember him when he retires. Letterman is the next best thing.
Johnny Cochran: The man who got OJ Simpson acquitted. Thanks, Johnny. Thanks a lot.
Hunter S Thompson: A real independent. You can't like him but you have to respect him.
Don Adams: Maxwell Smart, Inspector Gadget, Tennessee Tuxedo. A unique voice in TV. Just don't see "The Nude Bomb."
James Doohan: Scotty on Star Trek. I met him once in a restaurant my friend Gabe worked in. He gave me a heads up that he was going to be there with his daughter. We never got the nerve to go up to him.
Bob Denver: Gilligan and Maynard G Krebs. Goodbye, little buddy.
Ossie Davis: A great actor and activist.
Rosa Parks: Again, not very entertaining, but she changed the course of history for the better.
Wendie Jo Sperber: The woman who played Michael J Fox's sister in the Back to the Future movies.
Well, that's just a taste of who died in 2005. For a bigger list, click HERE. So, yeah, there you go. Not a big year for great things as far as I'm concerned. Maybe it's just because it's New Year's Day morning and I'm tired. Oh well, have a happy and healthy 2006! Read my brother's blog for a more uplifting recap HERE.
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