HOW TO GET FREE COFFEE

I went to the mall today with my sleeping 2 1/2 year old in a stroller. That is to say, my son was in the stroller...anyway...

As soon as you walk in, there's this Starbuck's kiosk. Feeling a bit rundown, I wandered over. But the damn thing's a circle, and I couldn't figure out where to stand to order.

(There was a white female and an African American female who worked there. I will hereon refer to them as "the white chick" and "the black chick" for reasons of clarity, only. I love all races equally.)

FInally, the white chick points at me and says "Can I help you?" I order and the white chick gestures vaguely and says, "She'll ring you up." And then calling to the woman in line behind me, "Can I help you?" I fumble for my money and then look up. The woman behind me is getting her coffee and mine is sitting on the counter! I look to the black chick, who is walking out of the kiosk. I look back to the white chick with a questioning arch of the eyebrows as I put my hand on the cup. She looks at me. I look to the black chick. The white chick looks to the black chick. No one says a word.

I slowly lift the cup, never taking my eyes off the girls. I break the confused silence as best I can. "So...." I say to no one in particular, still lifting the cup. "Should I just take this, then?" The white chick asks the black chick, "Where are you going?" The black chick can't think of an answer.

Remember that scene near the end of The Birds, where the two people are walking slowly to their car, never taking their eyes off the killer birds who are all around? That's exactly how I felt. I slowly brought my cup to the stroller's cupholder and said, "I guess I'll just go, then." I turned around and disappeared into the crowd.