ONE TOOTH TWO TOOTH RED TOOTH BLUE TOOTH
My little sweetheart, Allie, has one little tooth in the middle of her bottom gum. When she smiles, it's like looking at a haggard old witch! We were playing with her the other day and Called her "One-Tooth." "How's it going, One-Tooth?" I asked her. After a long pause I asked my wife to imagine if we named her Rhee instead of Allie. She looked at me suspiciously. "Rhee? Why would we do that? What does Rhee mean?" she asked. I replied, "Because then we could call her "One-Tooth Rhee!" Her eyes rolled back into her head. She shook her head as if to remove what she just heard from it. I attacked again: "We could say things like, 'What did you do that to One Tooth Rhee for?" I was so damn amused with myself!
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
SIMPSONS' GAY MARRIAGE EPISODE
I was definitely excited to see the Simpsons Sunday night. I usually look forward to it, but this was the episode in which a character was supposed to come out of the closet and get married! The episode began with a title card: "This Episode Contains Discussions of Same Sex Marriage. Parental Discrection is Advised." I was goddamned flabbergasted. DISCUSSIONS OF SAME SEX MARRIAGE is now cause for advisories...not a "frank discussion of anal sex"...not "graphic depictions of girl/girl action." I was waiting for the joke. There was none. At what point in our future will this seem downright medieval? I also want to point out that in the same episode, Homer gets stabbed in the hand with a butcher knife and gets a lit cigarette in his eye. This was not deemed warning-worthy. Not that I think it should have been, I'm just pointing out the fact that somebody felt that the fairly intelligent discussions of a cartoon were more harmful to the population at large than the image of a burning eyeball. I'm embarassed to live in a world in which homosexual love is considered "part of an ideology of evil" by the Pope. When I was growing up, interracial relationships on TV were cause for raised eyebrows. It's now pretty much treated as not a big deal. I truly hope this important civil rights issue can be looked upon the same way in ten years.
I was definitely excited to see the Simpsons Sunday night. I usually look forward to it, but this was the episode in which a character was supposed to come out of the closet and get married! The episode began with a title card: "This Episode Contains Discussions of Same Sex Marriage. Parental Discrection is Advised." I was goddamned flabbergasted. DISCUSSIONS OF SAME SEX MARRIAGE is now cause for advisories...not a "frank discussion of anal sex"...not "graphic depictions of girl/girl action." I was waiting for the joke. There was none. At what point in our future will this seem downright medieval? I also want to point out that in the same episode, Homer gets stabbed in the hand with a butcher knife and gets a lit cigarette in his eye. This was not deemed warning-worthy. Not that I think it should have been, I'm just pointing out the fact that somebody felt that the fairly intelligent discussions of a cartoon were more harmful to the population at large than the image of a burning eyeball. I'm embarassed to live in a world in which homosexual love is considered "part of an ideology of evil" by the Pope. When I was growing up, interracial relationships on TV were cause for raised eyebrows. It's now pretty much treated as not a big deal. I truly hope this important civil rights issue can be looked upon the same way in ten years.
Friday, February 18, 2005
A DAY FOR THE PRESIDENTS ( A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT)
Monday is Presidents' Day. Read that again. Look where the apostrophe is. It is a day for all (or at least 2) presidents. That makes it a plural possessive. If you write "President's Day", then you are saying it is a day for a president. Well, which one? If it's the current one, I'd rather go into work. If it's for Grover Cleveland (pictured), I'll stay home and respect his legacy. After all, he is the only non-consecutive two-term president. I love that.
So, next time you see a Nissan ad claiming to celebrate President's Day...ask yourself which president they are celebrating. Then go to a dealer who celebrates ALL the presidents.
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