BOOK REVIEW: JENNIFER GOVERNMENT

I'm not exactly what you would call a voracious reader, but I do like to have something on hand to read at lunch. I almost always have some book sitting on my nightstand, waiting to be read. I've read an awful lot of Stephen King books and in the past few years I've gotten very attached to the Harry Potter series. I was recently introduced to the world of Dan Brown (The DaVinci Code) and was instantly hooked. All of the aformentioned books were/are national phenomena, so I don't feel the need to announce my love for them, or to even offer an unsolicited review; they're doing just fine without me.

I've recently finished a book called "Jennifer Government" by author Max Barry. This is his second book, his first being written under the name "Maxx Barry." He's since dropped the offending extra X. Anyway, I saw this book in the "new Fiction" section of Barnes and Noble. The cover shows a female eye with a baracode tattooed underneath it. That striking image, along with the title got me to snatch it up. It sat on my nighttable for a month or so, until I saw a review of the book in Entertainment Weekly. I decided to dust it off and get cracking. I was instantly hooked and read it at lunch, after my son was asleep, sitting at a red light, whenever.

The story takes place in your typical, what Max Headroom called "20 minutes in the future". Corporations have taken over the world, and everything is for sale. Advertising is the new government. Wars are no longer being fought by countries, but by McDonald's and Burger King. The title refers to the main character, whose name is Jennifer and who works for the government. Since all people are owned, they are given the last name of their employer. Children are given the last name of their schools and clergy, their church.

WARNING: NEXT PARAGRAPH CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS
As I was reading this book, I was struck repeatedly by the idea that this would make an amazing movie or cable miniseries. The problem would be getting corporations to agree to have their names used int he film. Although it's fiction, I doubt Nike would agree to a film that portrays their employees as mass murderers. In fact, the whole story revolves around a Nike employee murderering its customers to boost "street cred" for its new line of shoes. There is more general satire as well, though. For instance, you can't use a high speed traffic lane unless you pay for it. When calling 911, you'd better have your credit card ready...the RIGHT credit card.

It left me wanting more. I would love to see this book spawn a series. The main character is complex and likable, yet flawed. She has a secret past and even has a catch phrase: "And yet." It makes sense in the book, trust me.

Anyway, I think you owe it to yourself to get this book. It's a thrilling read with tons of social commentary and action. No sex, though. Just violence and cursewords. I'm SO looking forward to Max Barry's (no relation to Dave Barry) next book, but I don't know how he could top this one. It's a real classic. I haven't found his first book yet, but I can order it on Amazon. I think I'll actually read Jennifer Government again first.

"NO, YOU'RE WRONG!"

There's a kind of pepper called "chipotle." It's also known as the "smoked jalapeño" because of its...well, its smokiness. It's pronounced: "Ch'POTElay" Subway restaurants offer a chipotle sauce, which is really nice. I went there the other day to get my 6" Turkey, Ham and Roast Beef sandwich. I usually get it with honey mustard, because that's fat free, but I decided to go crazy and get it with...you got it...CHIPOTLE sauce!

Let me backtrack for a second. Subway used to offer a sandwich called a Club. It was made of ham, turkey and roast beef. Sometime in the last year or so, they changed the name to "Turkey, Ham and Roast Beef." It's kind of like calling a Big Mac a "two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun" in my opinion.

Back to now...

I ordered my stupidly renamed sandwich and slide down to the register. As I'm getting my money out, the girl asks if I want any dressing. I say "yeah, the chipotle sauce, please." The manager, who's standing right there, asks, "You want the CHIPOLTE sauce?" She rhymed the name of the pepper with "Nick Nolte." I fumfer for a second as I try to process this. Is she correcting me, or is she simply dumb and merely asking for clarification? I decide on the latter and say, "yeah, that." The girl rings it up and stops. "What was this, again?" she asks. The manager answers, "It's a Club."

So these two nitwits think I'm a loser because I can't say "CHIPOLTE" and because I fell for their trap of calling the four-lettered-CLUB a twenty-one-letter TURKEY HAM AND ROAST BEEF. Inside, I'm screaming, "I KNOW IT'S A CLUB! I LIKE IT BETTER AS A CLUB, BUT YOU SAID IT WASN'T CALLED A CLUB ANYMORE!!!!!"

As I sat there, eating my rhymes-with-remotely sandwich, I got madder and madder at the manager. I was SURE she was correcting me earlier. I should've responded to her by saying, "Yes, the CHIPOTLE." And really call her out. Next time...

As I walked out, I had a nagging feeling that I was wrong. Maybe it WAS called "chipolte", rhyming with "molty." I glanced at their sign of available sauces, which included: CHIPOLTE. Well, it was hand-written, so I didn't feel a sense of closure yet. Behind the counter, however, are the actual replicas of bottles used for the sauces. I searched for mine. I found it. It read: C-H-I-P-O-T-L-E. I smugly left, knowing that another battle was yet to come.

A few days later, I went back to Subway for my lunch. I got the Club again, but this time I simply ordered a #6. This eliminated all confusion and no feathers were ruffled. I'd have to fight that battle another day. Today, it was all about the chipotle. Understand that I had the chipotle not a week earlier. Normally I would go for the honey mustard sauce or the sweet onion sauce now. I space out the fatty sauces. Not today, though. I ordered my sandwich (no cheese) and waited. "Any dressing?" she asked. I mustered up all my casualness and tossed out, "Yeah, the chipotle, please." SHE DIDN'T SAY A GODDAMN WORD! I wanted to ask her, "So, what's in the CHIPOTLE sauce, anyway?" or SOMETHING to get her to bite! No, I was beaten. She thinks I'm dumb and I spent several days building up a fight which never hapopened. Dammit. It's Quizno's all next week.