HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS

NO SPOILERS

As you know, I'm a Harry Potter fan. Not one of those insane people who dress up and visit the many HP fan sites and post with other fans, but I like the books and watch the movies. As if you did'n already know, the final HP book came out on Saturday, July 21st. I pre-ordered 2 copies from a local Border's book store and was told it went on sale at midnight and that I had to get a bracelet on Friday to determine when I would be on line for the actual book sale.
Luckily, I am off from work on Fridays in the summer. At 9:00am, I got to the store, so I could be the first one there to get a bracelet. Ha! The line was down the block! As I slowly made my way to the store, I passed several folding chairs and coolers. People had been camping out for hours, it seemed. I finally snaked my way into the store and then had to snake my way to the registration table. There, they checked my name and gave me an orange bracelet. I was told to make sure I was back before 11:00pm, because the doors would be closed at that point.

At 10:30pm I got to the store, not knowing what I was in for. There was a Kmart in the same shopping center, so I almost ditched the circus of Borders and tried my luck there. But in the end, I decided not to risk it. I went into the Borders and was greeted by a woman dressed as a witch who told me where to go and what to do. The place was freakin PACKED. I had time to kill so I made my way to the back, past the costume contest, past the raffles, past the jellybean-counting games, past the people dressed as characters from the books and stopped at the back, where the potheads and overwhelmed parents lay in the children's section.

Just when I thought I had time to relax, the announcements started. First, they came over the store's speaker system and then from employees with little megaphones. "We will begin lining people up at 11:15!" "We will be getting you into position by 11:30!" The employees were trying desperately to be heard over the din of muttering customers, but they eventually got their point across and we all shuffled, bovine-like towards the front of the store. As I said, I had an orange wristband. Other colors (green and purple) had to wait until we oranges had our books. "If you do NOT have an orange wristband, you MUST go to the back of the store until we call you!" It was hot in the store. The doors were closed and there were way too many people for the store's A/C to handle. People were hot, uncomfortable, nervous, excited and weary.

"Please show your wristbands!" a woman with a bullhorn called from atop the register counter. 150 orange-clad arms shot up like some sort of strange, silent "fight the power" rally. Another woman wove through the crowd checking individual arms and ushered out the one or two purples from the orange-only area. We oranges were stuffed into every free spot of floor in the front of the store. Then we were told to form a single-file line. We all looked at each other incredulously. Then the protests began. There was no way for this dense mass to suddenly organize itself into a line. The yelling went back and forth for about 15 minutes until the employees starting to direct traffic and get us in some sort of order.

There we waited. At five minutes to midnight, they started counting down the minutes and then the seconds to 12:00am. Periodically they would shout things like, "Are you ready for Harry Potter???!!!!" and the crowd would scream. I really enjoy the Harry Potter books, but this was ridiculous. I put my iPod on and waited to buy my book. As I moved forward, I could see people (mostly girls) holding the books they had just bought and hyperventilating or on the brink of tears. It was a little over-the-top. I finally got to the counter and asked for my 2 books, which I was quickly given. I must admit, the moment I actually saw my books was pretty exciting. I paid and put my iPod back on and walked to my car. I wanted to make sure no assholes drove by yelling, "Harry dies on page 400!" or some such. I did pass a car filled with screaming teens, all holding their yellow books out the window and screaming, but that was all.

I got home at 12:30am and began reading. I finished two hours later with 110 pages under my belt, and went to bed.

I got up the next morning and my wife had already read the first 85 pages of her book. She had gotten up early with the kids. At around noon, my in-laws came to take away the kids so we could have the house to ourselves. We planned to do nothing but read, unplugged from the TV, computer, radio and anything else that could inadvertantly let a plot point slip.

We commenced reading at around 12:30pm, 12 hours after I first started. My wife reads faster than I do, so I quickly lost the lead as she got 50 pages ahead of me. Then she took a nap. I seized this opportunity and read 100 pages past her in the 2 hours or so she was down. I woke her up for dinner. We got take-out. After dinner, we resumed. We periodically asked where the other was. "Page 426." "12 pages behind you!"

There was a space of time where we didn't know if we'd finish that night or not. I was still 40 pages ahead of my wife, but she was catching up quickly. Dinner was big and heavy and the story got a bit thick at one point. But then the book gained enormous momentum around 10:30pm and I felt myself wake up. I was turning pages faster and faster and I was less than 200 pages to the end. I was afraid I would gasp or make a noise to indicate something huge happening and I didn't want to spoil anything for her and vice versa once she passed me.

I retreated to the basement to finish. With 50 pages to go, I heard my wife. "You done?" She called down through thick tears. I told her I hadn't and stayed until I finally did finish. I didn't cry even a little bit. It was a good ending.

We stayed up for a while discussing the book, amazed that we did it in 24 hours. Well, 24 hours exactly for me (I finished at 12:30am on Sunday morning) but only a little more than 12 hours for my wife. Granted, I slept in those 24 hours, but still...

There's no point in reviewing the book. Either you know you want to read it or you know you don't. I thought it was great, with a few complaints that any finale is going to provoke. No ending is going to please everyone. But I think the Harry Potter series is an extraordinary achievement and don't envy J.K. Rowling's future. How could she possibly write another book and have it not be compared to Harry Potter?

So with Sunday unexpectedly open, we saw the 5th Harry Potter film. It was disappointing. The books are so rich and the films are so empty. Like the last movie, I felt like this one was an illustration of the book or a 2 and half hour trailer for the book. It hit all the major plot points but missed all the emotion and character development. It simply hopped from one event to the next without giving you enough time to care. That said, Helena Bonham Carter was excellent as Bellatrix LeStrange, and the character of Grawp was incredibly well done, I thought. Professor Umbridge was absolutely horrible in the book. She was so anger-inducing to read. I wanted to reach into the page and throttle her. In the film, she was barely irritating. All the films look great but anyone who judges Pottermania on the films just doesn't get it.

TYPOS
I just saw a great kids' book. Notice I put the apostrophe at the end of "kids," making it plural and possessive. That means the book is for kids, not a kid. Anyway, the book is called "The Greedy Apostrophe."

It's (it is) about a kind of job site for punctuation marks. The apostrophe gets a bit greedy and jumps onto all the signs, making them possessive instead of plural; SHOE'S, etc. I thought this was a fantastic book for children as well as adults. In my lifetime, the use of apostrophes has gotten noticeably worse, to the point that I am embarrassed. I often erase erroneous apostrophes with my finger if they're on a chalkboard or dry-erase board. I often tell store workers that their signs are wrong.

To be honest, I usually just roll my eyes at the hand-written signs, the garage sale signs and the like. But the "professional" mistakes get my goat big time. It's gotten way too easy to print signs and make professional-looking inkjet printouts. In the old days, it took lots of planning and craft to create a sign, so it was checked over several times by a professional who knew how to spell. When I see a car store sign that proclaims in huge letters: AUTO'S, I just want to scream. I mean, it's POSSIBLE the owner's name is Auto, making "Auto's" accurate, but I doubt it.

Thanks to our rapidly declining public school system and a society that equates caring with weakness, we are inundated with so much bad grammar that we get used to it. On more than one occasion I have found myself adding apostrophes where they needn't be. Now, OK, I can see goofing on "its" and "it's." But again, people who make signs for a living should know the difference! (IT'S always means IT IS. Everything else is ITS)

Sometimes it's sheer sloppiness that could've been easily fixed if the author had bothered to read over the text after it was written. Another issue is random capitalization. For example: Buy Two, get one free! Why would you capitalize Two?

I have been saving some examples of all kinds of this stuff, which I think I'll share now.

This is a scan from the local paper:

Did you catch the problem? Read the headline again. If a doctor can't be bothered to be accurate with his ad, I'm not taking any chances with him touching me.

This was taken at a local carnival.

OK, we all see the extra apostrophe, but what REALLY gets me is why the author felt it was OK to put an apostrophe after Oreo but not after zeppole. Continuity, people! If there were two mistakes, I would think the author believed the apostrophe was correct. To have one only means that he/she simply didn't care.

At a TGI Friday's:

Ok, the joke is that instead of happy hours, this place has ECSTATIC hours! Only they ruined it by misspelling ecstatic in big bold letters that probably cost hundreds of dollars to make.

Here's an ad from Labelle's, a camera store:

Not only did they perform the abominable "apostrophe/no apostrophe" blunder, but they misspelled PURCHASE, possibly the most important word to a retail outlet. Kind of like a head of state mispronouncing NUCLEAR...anyway...

Now, this next one is from the website of a horror movie, called "Captivity."

Grizzly images? Really? You sure you don't mean GRISLY? Or is this film rated R because of brown bears?

And now, the créme de la crème, a pizza restaurant in Baldwin, NY:

The cover of the menu:

Under new what? Do you mean MANAGEMENT? Not very encouraging. And minimum Order? Why is order capitalized?


The inside (my highlights):

Full Topping. Dude, pick a design, capitals or no capitals.

Christino Pie: More random capitalization. Do you want fresh mozzarella or Fresh mozzarella? Too bad they don't have FRESH mozzarella.

Jamaican Beef Patti. I dated her in High School. I wish! Maybe they mean patty?

I won't even go into the category of "charcoal."

second page:

At least they're consistent, but no apostrophes in "heroes."

The correct spellings are Powerade and Nestea Iced Tea. Powerade is a drink. A Power Aide is a superhero's assistant. And folks, it's ICED TEA, not ICE TEA. Tea that is iced, unlike ICE CREAM which is not ICED CREAM for whatever reason.

I was doing a search online for other apostrophe problems, but I ended up finding TONS of them, which is encouraging. I decided not to post all of them, but this one I felt was worthy of mentioning. It's from www.HenryTheThirst.com:

He writes:
i confess that i haven’t really mastered the apostrophe, that i was knocking on thirty before i realised that there is no apostrophe in ‘its’ unless you are abbreviating ‘it is’. i would rather write about clothes for children than childrens’ clothes or children’s clothes. but i DO know that when it comes to apostrophes they certainly shouldn’t be doing this…

but look at what’s happening; there’s a weird sort of maverick, punk-rocking logic behind it all. why is there no apostrophe at all in ‘ploughmans’?
well, that would mean two ploughmen, which would be silly, so no apostrophe there. i like making up words and i do it all the time but the chalkster here is like a wild west outlaw when it comes to punctuation. ride into town, rob the bank, shoot the sherriff, make your horse go WHHIHHIHIHHNN on its back legs and then gallop off while everyone is still picking their jaw off the ground.
“wha?”
“it’s THE TOAST’IES KID! yee hah!”

So keep your eye's open and if you find any mistakes, send them to me! (I did that last one on purpose!)