My M.R.I.Yesterday was my first ever MRI. I had this weird thing in my arm I thought was Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, and my doctor thought so too, when he referred me to a neurologist who prescribed me a healthy dose of magnetic resonance imaging and vitamins.
The appointment was at 8:00 in the morning but they told me to get there at 7:45 for paperwork. I got there early with my coffee and Harry Potter 2 book. (I'm re-reading them in every spare moment I have to be ready for book #6 on Saturday.) The receptionist cheerily tells me that the technician is ready for me now and I can do paperwork later. I was so looking forward to drinking my coffee and waiting for an hour, reading my book. Oh well.
I removed all my metal, wallet, phone, etc., into a locker and went into The Room. I've seen enough TV to know what an MRI looks like, but it's still a little bit intimidating. The technician was an older Indian man who asked me if Peter Jennings was dead. Thoroughly confused, I said, "Wha?" He explained that he had left America a few months ago and he had heard Peter Jennings had cancer. he wanted to know if he died. I said I didn't think so. I was ready to go and laid myself down. The guy positioned my head in a little brace-like thing and told me in no uncertain terms that I WAS NOT TO MOVE A MUSCLE! EVEN THE SLIGHTEST MOVEMENT WILL BE TROUBLE! Understanding the gravity of the situation, I decided I was glad I didn't drink my coffee. I asked how long this would take and he told me about 35 minutes! I had to lie totally still for a half hour! Hmm...maybe I could go to sleep! I decided this would be awesome and I should probably make follow up visits every week, just to catch up on some sleep!
I was slid into the machine itself. The machine hovered one inch away from my nose. The sides are open, but you can't move your head to look out there, so I'm not sure what good it does. I guess your peripheral vision makes your brain understand that you're not enclosed and you don't get claustrophobic. Anyway, I closed my eyes and relaxed. Then the noises. These weird clicking, buzzing and whirring noises start going on all around me at irregular intervals, making sleep nearly impossible. Instead I began to imagine. I imagined leaving the table in a half hour with severe brain damage. I then imagined that I was, in fact, lying on a beach. Then I imagined that the technician was watching all my thoughts on a little brain-scanning TV set. Then I thought, "Gee, some music would be nice." About 10 minutes later, I heard a noise. It sounded like someone tuning a radio! I quickly realize that, because of my head constraints, I can't hear properly. It sounded like someone playing a loud TV set in the hotel room next door. Finally the radio tunes in a station. Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" came on. I kid you not. I thought, "you know, I'm not afraid that I'm gonna die, but why bring it up at all?" Then I wonder, "Why are you telling me to lie PERFECTLY STILL for a half hour and then play me the catchiest disco song in the history of mankind? The song ends and I'm treated to 10 minutes of WKTU's commercials. I felt lik Alex in A Clockwork Orange: "Turn it off! TURN IT OOOOOFFFF!!!"
The tech came over a loudspeaker twice to tell me I was doing great and to keep lying still. I went back to imagination mode and imagined that I was lying SO still, that I was their best patient ever. My pictures would be SO clear that other doctors would ask to study them. My MRI pictures would be in journals and textbooks. How proud I'd be!
Then the whole ordeal ended. The tech came in and I debated telling him to avoid dance music for MRI patients. My initial prejudice was that this was an Indian man with a VERY thick accent who hasn't been in the country for a few months and he wouldn't understand me. I decided that was ridiculous. He was a trained medical professional. I told him and he looked at me blankly. Finally, I think he understood and explained that he tried to get the smooth jazz station in, but the MRI causes some stations not to come in well. Whatever.
Anyway, that was it. I drank my lukewarm coffee as I filled out paperwork and never made a dent in Harry Potter. I compensated by treating myself to a long lunch and reading then. I have a followup with my neurologist on Wednesday. If he has anything major to tell me, I'll let you know. Ciao!
NEW HARRY POTTER!